Couples Learning to Communicate Effectively

Speaking the Same Language

Men and Women From Different Planets?
Growing up in a highly dysfunctional family, many bad communication practices were instilled in me. As an adult, it has been a challenge to recognize these bad practices and then figure out how to correct them.

I have read a lot about how men and women communicate differently, but I do not believe that is the entire scope of miscommunication. I think people in general communicate differently. I think we each assign our own meanings to various words, and I think we each interpret the body language and vocal tones of others in different ways. I think our own personal perceptions, which come from our own experiences and understanding, have a great deal to do with how we communicate with others.

My Big, Fat, Greek Mouth
I am Greek by heritage, and while I don't want to contribute to any kind of stereotyping, my Greek family is loud and passionate in their expressions. This does not always reflect their emotion at the time. It is just how they express themselves. This trait is instilled in me. I frequently express myself in a loud and passionate manner. This method of expression does not necessarily mean I am feeling any strong emotion such as anger, at the time . It just means I express myself in a loud and passionate manner.

Frequently, this is misinterpreted. It is assumed I am angry or distraught, when in fact, inside I don't really feel one way or another about whatever it is I am talking about. Now, I could just take the stance that since this is 'just how I am' everyone else should just learn to accept that about me and get over it. Or, I could adopt the attitude that since how I express myself is frequently misinterpreted, I need to learn ways in which to 'soften' or alter my approach so I am more easily understood. That is, if I want to communicate effectively. If I just want to talk for the sake of talking, then it truly doesn't matter.