Domestic Violence Awareness

As a Domestic Violence social worker I often go to community events, colleges, and functions educating the public on domestic violence. When referring to the person who does the abuse, the term used will be, "The Batterer." The term for the person who is being abused will be, "The Survivor." The pronouns used will be "he" and "she." This is not to say that men do not get abused. They do, but at a much lesser rate than women. This is also not to say that abuse does not occur within homosexual relationships, because it does. A woman can abuse a woman, a man can abuse a man, in the same manner that a man can abuse a woman.


The abuse that occurs can be physical in nature, i.e., slapping, pushing, shaking, punching, kicking and biting. Emotional/verbal abuse consists of name calling, put downs, monitoring activities/phone calls, isolation, etc. Abuse runs in a cycle that I call the abuse, "Seasons."


Season One: Tension Building Phase: This is a time where the Survivor is walking on eggshells around the Batterer. The tension is extremely high, and the Survivor is doing her best to keep the Batterer happy, in order to keep the next season at bay.

Season Two: Episode of Abuse: The abuse occurs. It doesn't have to be set off by anything in particular. Abuse ranges from "minor" abuse like shoving, slapping, to "major" abuse like kicking, punching and strangulation.

Season Three: The "Honeymoon" Phase. This is the timeof apologies, flowers,etc. Promises such as, "I'll never do it again." "No one else could love you the way I do." There is also blame shifting; "I wouldn't have hit you if you didn't..."