The Art of Compromise in a Relationship

is Compromising Always the Best Answer?

Over the years, I have heard a lot of lip-service given to the topic of compromising and meeting one another in the middle. I am in full agreement that there are times when we need, in our relationships, to both give a little and meet in the middle somewhere. Usually, to me, this seems to be in areas such as setting ground rules for the kids, how much money to allot for various things in the budget, how many times weekly/daily to be intimate, etc.

However, I do not feel that compromise is always the way to go. It seems to me that in any healthy and successful relationship there is a great deal of sacrifice. Usually more of this than compromise, actually.

The Lost Real Meaning of Love

The real definition of love seems to have become lost in this world of instant-gratification and 2 hour movie romances. Real love is not usually what is portrayed on the screen or in a book. So what is it then?

An early and great definition of what real love is may be found in the bible: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. It uses the word 'charity', but what is charity if not pure and selfless love?

Here is what the bible says about it:

"4-Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5-Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6-Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth;
7-Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

While no one is perfect, this does give a good illustration of how real love works. Nowhere in this example does it talk about compromise. . .only sacrifice. Real love does not consider one's self, one's pride, one's wants. Real love considers the best interest and welfare of the other.

A Practical Example

A couple has a tiff. He has a pattern of saying and doing something that really hurt her feelings. When she expresses this to him, he blows it off and then explains to her that she is looking at it all wrong. He says what he said and did wasn't a big deal, and basically she needs to get over it.