Four Steps to Surviving Critism for Writers

What Do You Do when Those Closest to You Have Only Negatives to Say?

We are writers, criticism is something we expect. The nasty little side-effect of our craft we try to garner the gleam of truth from, and move on. What happens when the criticism is unwarranted though, or worse, when it comes from someone we love?

At some point or the other, it happens. We reach a milestone moment in our writing careers and our family naysayer comes along to tug the triumphant wind out of the sail. Maybe it's due to jealousy, maybe a lack of understanding, or maybe they are just miserable "I suck the fun out of everything" people by nature. But, boy o' boy it can give you a kick in the proverbial pants.

Be it a sibling, husband, mother, agent, friend, or the woman we work side by side with every day; no matter what, it hurts. The trick is to not drown in the attack to our self-esteem, but to learn how to best deal with it so that it doesn't sabotage your writing or your continued pursuit of your dreams.

Too many times, we allow these people who are close to tear us down. Now, I'm not speaking of constructive critical feedback. I have an amazing friend who very candidly tells me what she does and does not like about my writing, but she provides commentary in a friendly and caring way. A way that still establishes my worth as a writer, yet allows me another point of view and often very beneficial advice.

I'm speaking of the people who revel in tearing your talent and success apart. Like my close relative who informed me she was embarrassed to tell her friends that I write Romance and that I "should write something real instead." This is a person I trusted to embrace my success and to celebrate with me the joy of a dream fulfilled. Instead, she chose to be less than cordial. She's not the only one. Here and there, I've continued to encounter unwarranted criticism or judgment from mainly well-intentioned, but often misguided, loved ones.

After briefly wallowing in the muck of self-doubt brought upon by these naysayers, I finally came to my senses and devised a plan of attack for the times I may need to reclaim my writer equilibrium.