Dear Job Applicant: Why I Didn't Hire You

One thing I wasn't prepared for when I purchased a retail store was the steady stream of high-school and college kids walking in my store to ask 'Are you hiring?' I don't know if it's the dragons and the unicorns or the herbs and the incense, but my New Age store draws young people who not only want to hang out here; they think it would be unbearable cool to work here as well.
We always allow these off-the-streets applicants to fill out our pre-printed application forms, but unfortunately, very few of them will ever be called back for an interview. Whether subconsciously they really don't want a job, or because they are just clueless, a large percentage of job applicants sabotage themselves before they even walk through the door.


So consider this the clue-sheet. Here's some of the reasons various walk-in applicants disqualified themselves from consideration, as well as tips for avoiding their fate.


APPLICANT # 1 - You scare me
Or rather, your body art makes it clear that you hope to scare me. My store is more liberal than the average retail employer, and most of our younger staff have their share of piercings, tattoos and 'attitude garments'. But there's a world of difference between the message sent by a fairy-tattoo, or an eyebrow ring, and that sent by a tattoo of a skull with blood pouring from its mouth. Fourteen visible piercings about the neck tells total strangers that you have 'comformity issues' before you open your mouth.
You may argue that because we have a large youthful clientele, we can afford to go slightly 'weirder' in what's acceptable on-the-job appearance, and indeed we do. But although young people make up a large percentage of our shoppers, they spend the least amount of money; it's the older women - professionals to doting nanas - that keep us in business. If employing you is going to make our most supportive customers disinclined to linger, you, alas, will not be employed here.