Teens and Discipline: A "Not so Common Sense" Approach

Honors student or not, bright or dull, sooner or later the priorities set by nature are not going to be those of the idealistic parent. A bright, normal son or daughter has alot of other things going on besides school and activities...they are becoming adults. The internal clock of human development doesn't take a back seat just because it would be more convenient.

One set of parents have their hearts set on their teen's remaining in an honors program, but he doesn't do the homework, is surly and confrontational. Another set of parents have an average teen who has always listened to their advice and caveats, but now she doesn't do her homework, is surly and confrontational. They stay in their rooms listening to music all the time.

Countless parents spend too much time bombarding their offspring with constant verbal direction and angst. They are just sure the teenager is the same "child" they were when they were 10. Not so....and not a child according the biological events.

The warnings about a bleak future and promises of rewards for good behavior that were perfect motivators for the child, create anxiety in the teen. Not just anxiety about their non-compliance with parental wishes, but anxiety that destroys trust. The teen is savvy enough to know when theyare being manipulated, and if they have any brains, they are insulted by it.

That is how anger develops.

The constant air of verbal disapproval in these circumstances damages trust. Teens need to feel that parents value them because they are their offspring, just the basics. Folks don't manipulate those they value most. They respect their feelings.