Ten Tips to Communicate Better with Your Children

Excerpt from the book THE ART AND SCIENCE OF PARENTING available on www.lulu.com

Good communication skills are the basis of any successful relationship, whether between husband and wife or parents and children. Many parents face problems while communicating with their children. Knowledge of certain techniques can greatly improve their communication skills. I hope the following tips will help parents to communicate better with their children.

1. Talking + Listening = Communication

The basic mistake that parents make is, they talk but never listen. While communicating the flow of ideas and thoughts should necessarily be bi-directional otherwise it becomes a lecture. The child must know that when you finish talking, he/she will get a chance to speak. Try listening actively. Make encouraging gestures and sounds - nod your head, say yes, all right, that's fine.

Avoid "You listen to me".

Try : "I want you to listen to me and then you can speak and I'll listen".

2. Don't Begin With Accusation

If you start the conversation with an accusation, the child will end it with a brief refusal. If your opening line is: "Why did you break the wall clock?" The most likely answer you'll get is: 'I didn't."

The better approach would be to ask: "How did the clock break?" This will get the conversation going and you will receive a detailed account of the events leading to the breaking of clock. You can also utilize this opportunity to teach the child to be more responsible in future.

Avoid : "I don't believe you."

Try : "Promise not to lie and I'll believe you".

3. Avoid Flowery Language.

Reserve your eloquence for boardroom meetings, farewell parties and the like. While communicating with children it is better to keep things straight and simple. It is especially important when dealing with a relatively young child because more often than not, the child will either miss the point or misinterpret it. In case of older children use of flowery language can injure their pride and give them an inferiority complex.

Avoid : "You are an idiot of the highest order".

Try : "You need to apply yourself more".