Destroy All Humans Fails to Shock and Awe

Aliens. Almost anyone who plays video games has dealt with them, usually from behind a twelve-gauge shotgun. Whether it's in the stellar Area 51 or the Microsoft smash Halo, aliens are universally evil and worthy of little more than a blast from your dual plasma rifles.

THQ's Destroy All Humans takes the opposite side, casting you as Cryptosporidium-137, a military agent for the intergalactic Furon Empire. It's the 1950s, and cloning has drained the Furons of their DNA, leaving the empire with no choice but to steal back the DNA they accidentally left in humans thousands of years ago.

Destroy All Humans is comedic. The banter between Crypto and his boss is entertaining. ("Crypto! Protect those towering television… towers!) The American government blames every coincidence and unusual occurrence on "those damn Commies." There are radioactive cows that eat brains.

Crypto begins his journey as a scout, armed with only a "Zap-o-matic," an anal probe, and his Psychokinetic (PK) abilities. As levels progress, new weapons and upgrades are unlocked, which can be purchased with collected human DNA. DNA can be gained in three ways. Side quests reward Crypto varying amounts of DNA, depending on the difficulty. Two, Crypto can target a person with his PK abilities, and "extract" his or her brain stem, which pops out in a pool of green blood. Three, the anal probe can be charged up to a "super probe," which will cause a person so much pain his head will explode, exposing his brain stem.

The movement system and camera are controlled independently, and neither is executed well. It's too hard to move Crypto, the camera, and control your weapons at the same time. When flying your saucer, the camera's angle make's movement difficult and navigation nearly impossible.

The graphics of this game would have been incredible two years ago. Now, they're only passable. Trees look like cardboard. Objects, people, and plants pop up out of nowhere. People are blocky and no one moves with any semblance of realism.