Relationship Advice: Quality Time Vs. Quantity Time

There are many different ways to express your love for your spouse. One way is words of affirmation as I discussed in my article "Use Your Words Wisely." Another important way is quality time. Many people think because they spend a lot of time with their spouse they give them quality time, but that is hardly the case. There is a difference between quality time and quantity time. Quality time is far more involved than we think, it could take some time to think and plan. Many times when one person says they want quality time, all they are getting is quantity time. There is a way to tell whether or not your time together is quantity or quality.

Robert Pirsig who wrote "Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," said quality is different for each person, and we really need to have that in mind when we are thinking about spending time with our spouses. What would they consider quality instead of what you think quality is. The point of learning to love by quality time is learning about your spouse. Spending time with your spouse is all about learning to show them that you love them in a way that is meaningful to them instead of to yourself. Quality time could mean one thing to you and mean something totally different to your spouse. Quality is the amount of value you put into each thing; knowing what your spouse values is important.

Gary Chapman states in his book "The Five Love Languages" that quality time means undivided attention. Quality time doesn't mean just sitting on the couch together paying attention to whatever is on the television. Yes sometimes it is a great thing to do to relax and wind down, you can cuddle together on the couch and enjoy the feel of holding each other. But quality time is much more than just sitting next to each other or eating together. You want to pay attention to your spouse no matter what you are doing. If you are watching a movie or television show together you can hold hands, have her lay with her head on your lap and brush her hair back, little things that say "I love you" make a big difference.