Advice for Today's Single Women Out There on the Front!

Dear Mel,

Recently I got involved with a guy who I like very much. However, after a month or so of dating...I find out he has a girlfriend. Now, I really like this guy, and he says his girlfriend is not my concern, she's his, and if he doesn't mind, I shouldn't either. Now, I understand what he's saying, but I know it's wrong. I wouldn't want to be cheated on...but he's so great! He's good looking, we get along great, and the chemistry is amazing. Should I bide my time, will he decide I'm the one, and leave her??

Sincerely,

The Other 'One'

Dear Other,

Notice I didn't say 'one,' because obviously you are NOT the one. He is treating you like the other woman, which is what you are. You're on the side, which just like in restaurants, means you aren't the main course, not the thing he needs, his main dish. The main dish is the person he keeps going back to, maybe even lives with, night after night. She is the one who gets undivided attention at times when you'll want it.

Haven't there already been nights when you wanted to see him and he was unavailable? And if he lives with her, didn't he make excuses to keep you from coming to his place...and now that you know, you realize you'll never be going there. So what you have is a one-sided, half-assed relationship, which is definitely not my idea or definition of a relationship at all. It's a fling, an affair, a booty call situation.

He really can't take you out in public places, not ones he is afraid friends or even the girlfriend will be at. This means limited outings, lots of nights in...so if you're fine with that...to playing second fiddle to her...to always being second choice, to always wondering what he's doing with her, to always fearing a last minute cancellation because the girlfriend needed him...no holidays together...and on and on, so on and so forth, then sure, stay with him. Not to mention the fact that you say you KNOW it's wrong. Don't you feel guilty? Would you want a man to do that to you? Cheat? It makes you just as accountable as he is, now that you know. Before, you were a pawn in a game, but now, if you stay with him, you're a player. Remember karma. It's a bad bitch.