Preparing Yourself to Become a Parents' Caregiver

There is an element of fear associated with taking care of ill or frail parents, and one of our reactions to fear is avoidance. Thus, as sensible as it is to equip yourself with the needed information, most of us will not do it. If you have lots of free time, live close to your parents, and have plenty of money, then preparation may not matter as much. However, older adults are more likely to be financially secure than you are, and I know no one who thinks they have spare time. And 20 percent of American move every year. Relatively few of us live in the same area as our parents.

Your tasks can broadly be divided into becoming familiar with your parents' personal situation as well as learning about resources available in their community. If you do this when they are still in good health and spirits, you can make it a family project of sorts. If you are doing it without their assistance, such as after they've become ill, it's harder, but not impossible.

Doing it Together

Let your parents know that you want to discuss some family business matters and learn their opinions about some things so that you will be in a position to help them as they have helped you through the years. If they regard this as unnecessary, assure them that you know it may be needless for them, but that it will make you feel a lot better. It's okay to come right out and say that you realize you may be confronted with a caregiving or a special assist role at a younger age than most adults, and you want to feel prepared to handle the situation.

If they still refuse to discuss family business or preferences, then you may be on your own. Don't push it. There is always the chance that your questions may cause them to reflect on the possibilities, perhaps even discuss them with some of their friends. They may decide to discuss these issues later. They may not.

Some topics may make it sound as if you are trying to get a handle on their financial assets. Tell them up front it's not necessary to talk about that, or to tell you account numbers. You just need to know where to find the information should you have to take some action on their behalf. Topics to discuss include: