A Working Mother's Answer to the Breast Feeding vs. Bottle Dilemma

When I was pregnant with my daughter, Kierra, I battled the decision to breastfeed or bottle-feed. I read magazine articles, talked to other mothers about their experiences, and generally had it all planned how I would breastfeed and only supplement with formula if necessary or when I returned to work. Since I knew that I was returning to work full-time, I knew that formula would become part of her diet. I also knew that as every mother and child are different, we would both have to be open to whatever worked best for us. When my daughter was born, the delivery complications left me very, very sick with blood loss, nausea, vomiting, and fever. Because of this, my plans to breastfeed her within the first hour were the last thing on my mind. In fact, I did not even get to hold my newborn until at least 8 hours later. I know during the time I was sick, she had a bottle in the nursery. When I finally was able to see and hold her that afternoon, we also received a visit from the lactation consultant to see if we needed help starting to breastfeed. So we tried and quickly became frustrated. My daughter couldn’t latch on to my inverted nipples and I was uncomfortable hearing her cry with hunger and frustration. I was also not comfortable being bare to the room with nurses coming in and out, the lactation specialist, my mom and my husband there. I felt like I was on display when I looked my absolute worst. After trying to breastfeed her without success, the consultant brought me a breast pump. She said the pump could help pull my nipples out for better latching on and could get milk for my daughter to taste to help her come to the breast. Well, at this point it wasn’t milk yet, but colostrum. I pumped out a couple milliliters for her to drink. She gulped them down like she was in a desert and I was her only cactus. I continued to pump every fifteen to thirty minutes as instructed to stimulate production. We tried to give her some pumped milk first to make her want more and then put her to the breast, but she still couldn’t latch on correctly. We attempted to breastfeed several times that day and the next. We tried nipple converters and sugar water to make her want to nurse. The second day, we found success (or so the lactation consultant said). My daughter was on and drinking. The consultant had told me that when latched on properly, the nursing would not hurt. I said to her, “Then something must be wrong because this is excruciatingly painful.” She kept telling me that I would get used to it and how my daughter was going to be such a great breast feeder. After the lactation expert left, my husband looked at me sympathetically and told me he couldn’t stand seeing me in so much pain and both my daughter and I frustrated. He suggested, “Why don’t you just keep pumping and feed her the breast milk by bottle?” That sounded like a great idea! Immediately, I felt like a weight was lifted. He had given me the way out. I didn’t want to think of myself as less of a woman or mother because I couldn’t or didn’t want to breastfeed, but I still wanted to give my baby the healthy start she deserved. This way she could still get the nutrients and antibodies only found in breast milk, but I didn’t have to be in pain. Additionally, we also had the other advantages of bottle-feeding. Other people could help with the responsibility, we could travel with bottles, I could send breast milk to daycare when I returned to work, and other people could bond with her during feeding. During my stay at the hospital, I continued to pump. The first couple times, I found my sides were wet afterward because the colostrum was leaking out the sides instead of going into the bottle. A very nice intern who was helping us out instructed me to lean forward and hold the cups firmly while making sure they were correctly centered over the nipple for maximum suction. After following these simple tips, I saw more output without leakage. When we left the hospital, we went straight to the pharmacy and bought a Medela breast pump, which I loved. The first days at home were difficult while waiting for my milk to come in and trying to keep ahead of the baby’s feeding needs, but once I got ahead I was able to store packs in the freezer for quick access. I even used formula in the beginning to tide her over so I could catch up. And when she started daycare at seven weeks old, I sent bottles of breast milk to daycare. She would usually have one formula bottle at night before bed in the hopes that she would feel more full and sleep longer, but that never worked. But I was happy that the majority of her diet was breast milk. Just like a normal breastfeeding mom, I pumped in the oddest places. I pumped at work, in the parking lot of Wal-Mart, and even in the car on the interstate while my husband was driving. You can’t do that while breastfeeding. My hectic pumping schedule kept me busy and never without my pump, but I made it for five months this way. I finally quit pumping because my boss was upset that I was pumping at work on break. Even after I stopped, we used the freezer packs that I had saved for another few weeks. My daughter is now 2 years old and I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel satisfied that I gave her the best start I could for the first six months of her life on terms that met both our needs.