O.J. Simpson: Society's Scorpion

Yeah, he's back again. O.J. Simpson. He's like an ugly, diseased, pus-filled sore on your face that never goes away, always reminding you of the night you cheated on your wife.

Mr. White Ford Bronco himself.

So, what's the ex-football player, Leslie Nielson's Naked Gun sidekick, and homicidal sociopath doing lately?
Why, he's working hard, making money from the murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson, of course. In a book he wrote entitled If I Did It, an unrepentant O.J. fantasizes in gory detail how he murdered his wife. "It's all blood money, and unfortunately I had to join the jackals," The author said . "It helped me get out of debt and secure my homestead." Only In America, folks.

O.J.'s callous words reminds me of that old joke about how a young man accused of killing his parents pleads for clemency because, as he explains to an incredulous judge, "I'm an orphan".

Anyway, as P.T. Barnum was right when he said "You'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public", If I Did It was going to be aggressively promoted by Mr. Barnum's sleazy 21st century counterpart, Rubert Murdoch. His network has dumped garbage like When Animals Attack, Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire, Temptation Island, and Who's Your Daddy? into people's living rooms for years. Why should Judith Regan interviewing O.J. on a Fox TV special be any different?

Oops.

This time, people remembered they had a gag reflex. Bookstores across the country refused to carry If I Did It, Fox couldn't find advertisers greedy or crazy enough to buy time on the TV show, and even Bill O'Reilly, one of Rubert Murdoch's favorite sock puppets, was outraged. The embarrassed media mogul reluctantly realized that the If I Did It project was as dead as Ron and Nicole.

Now, before we get hurt patting ourselves on the back, let's not forget the punch line of this sick tabloid joke: O.J. is still an acquitted murderer, and a free man. There's no uplifting Happy Ending here.