Milestones: Accepting the Limitations of an Invisible Disability

A neck injury in 1986 left me in constant pain. That was 20 years ago. I was a single parent, determined not to be on welfare, and the sole support for my twin sons.

I accepted the pain and the fact that doctors were not going to medicate me to relieve it. The same stories about exercise, stretching, physical therapy, and the horror stories of addiction and physical dependency were recited over and over again by the medical community, and I suffered. I have developed spinal stenosis and ankylosing spondylitis, a form of spinal arthitis, all in my neck. The pain has several layers and likes to travel from neck to shoulders and upper back with muscle spasms that knot the muscles sometimes get the thumb and forefinger on the right side twitching. Ouch.

January of 2006, I turned 50 and made a decision. I will no longer accept this pain, I will not avoid physical dependency, and I will not push myself beyond reason any longer. Taking about an hour each day to stop and think, a list of those activities and stresses that create unnecessary burdens began to grow. Slowly, a personal set of guidelines developed.

Contrary to popular belief, life is much better now.

Fulltime employment is no longer an option.

This is probably the most difficult fact to accept. Most people define themselves through their employment, which is unfortunate. Committing to a set number of hours a week, worrying about having to use more sick days than provided, and the toll the stress takes cannot be justified. Driving aggravates the pain and taking a bus, suffering the starts and stops every 2 blocks, sets the nerves blazing. That awareness took time to develope. Days away from those problems had to pass before the affects could be evaluated through their absence.