Surviving a Vietnamese Wedding

It didn't seem such a big deal at the time. You couldn't resist accepting the invitation. Everybody told you it was a chance of a lifetime to experience a Vietnamese wedding. And oh, the trouble you're in! If this sounds familiar, read on, as I've amassed a small fortune in nuanced social graces that will help you avoid some common mistakes. And if this doesn't yet sound familiar, it soon will: the vast majority of Vietnam's population is between 20 and 30 years old, a fair-sized celebration can include 500 guests, and family members love to invite friends along. I've been invited to three in two months - one with only a day's notice. Trust me in these matters, for I have seen The Way.

Preparations

Follow the common wisdom and forgo the search for a gift. What a mess it would be if 500 guests showed up with 500 individually wrapped presents! Instead, find a nice envelope, and put in a sum of cash you're comfortable with - depending very much upon your own financial situation and upon how well you know the lucky couple. Don't be cheap, but don't show off, and do put your name on the envelope.

Dress well, but by all means don't go all out. None of the groom's mates will be wearing jackets or ties, and the bride's girlfriends might look ready to go out to a nice club for a dance. On your part, regular office-wear will make a fine impression.

Get to the party early. It can be a real job trying to find the specific wedding you've been invited to, especially in peak season, and it's not uncommon to find two or three weddings occupying the same banquet hall. You'll likely eat away the extra minutes asking directions and wandering around.

The Arrival

There will be a reception desk at which you present your invitation, sign the guest book, and deposit your gift-envelope into an impressively large basket. The bride and groom typically stand side-by-side at the entrance to the banquet hall - give them your heartfelt congratulations and be prepared to pose for a picture, and then do the same thing with their parents off to the side. This is polite anywhere you go, and serves very well to affirm that you are "part of the group."