Rednecks in the Bible Belt and Other Missouri Myths

How the North was Won

Think you know about the heart of America and its citizens? The following facts may just surprise you.

Kansas City is full of Rednecks and Hillbillies: We have our share but most of the big-haired, bumper-sticker, tobacco-chewing, rifle-touting clans with poor dental hygiene live in southern Missouri. Remember the Missouri Compromise? This historical event overshadowed a lesser known feud over the segregation of civilized folks and bubble-gum poppers. We (the North) won that battle.

Many of the remaining redneck spawn, in or around Kansas City, are weekend cowboy wannabes. These alpha-males sporting hats and boots, are found, beer-in-hand, in the modern, loud, country-themed, meat-marketing night clubs. Some members of this group do drive trucks that cost more than their house, but the closest thing these cowboys ever came to a horse is watching the American Royale (here in Kansas City) on TV.

Missouri is the Bible Belt: This is almost laughable or very lamentable depending on how you look at it. In Kansas City alone, we have four Las Vegas-style casinos (not run by Native Americans, incidentally), Missouri adopted the state lottery well before most liberal states came on board, Independence, Missouri (a suburb of Kansas City) was, in recent history, deemed the Crack Capitol of the World and now St. Louis is decidedly the most dangerous city in the U.S. In Missouri there is more pushing of drugs and bookie odds than biblical tracts.

There are many glorious churches here in Kansas City, as there are in many cities across the U.S. Among these majestic buildings lies the World Headquarters of the RLDS, which is located in the middle of Crack Town ... I mean, Independence, Missouri. I don't know anyone personally who actually attends the mega-structure for worship (or lately, any church for that matter), but it does make a nice place for high-school graduations. Good seating.