Shameful Behaviors

Never before have I questioned why
you didn't protect me;
I've been too busy reacting to my pain,
too busy forgiving the one who hurt me,
too busy living with a life that looks for
anyone and anything to fill that empty space inside.

But now I'm done with all of that.
There's a missing link,
and that missing link is
you.

The fact is...you could have saved me.
You could have pulled me away
from those intrusive hands,
but you chose to let them intrude.

You could have faced reality,
but you chose to call me a liar.

You chose to walk around in
a world of pretend,
so that your world
would not be shaken up,

and as you were walking right side up
with a smile on your face,
I was on the floor,
shattered into pieces,
scared, ashamed,
crying myself to sleep every night,
writing poems to deal with my pain.

I've made excuses for you:
"Oh, she was afraid of being alone."
(Translation...You were selfish.
You had rather see me sexually
abused than see yourself alone.)

"Oh, she had no means to support
herself."
(Translation: "As long as you had a roof
over your head, to hell with everything else.")

Well, the time for excuses is past.
Time to face the hard truth.
And the truth is I have someone else to forgive.

The question is, "Can I?"