Sports Briefs: Bronx Bustin'

Brad: I have an announcement to make! I'm moving to New York City in January! I forgot, I *hate* the Yankees. Great, now I am going to be the only guy east of Brooklyn who hates the Yankees. It gets worse, though. My favorite team after the Indians are the Boston Red Sox. Man, I am in a pickle, aren't I?

Chris: I have a hunch that you weren't part of the pride, tradition and great fans Derek Jeter was desperately hoping would migrate to the new Yankee Stadium next season.

Joe: Yankee Stadium had some of the most legendary urinal troughs this side of the streets of Dublin. I remained scarred for years after visiting the restroom during the 4th inning of a game between the Yankees and Red Sox, back in '63. I learned quickly that it was safer, and less conspicuous to simply soil yourself in the leftfield bleachers than it was to frequent the cavernous urinal troughs in the bowels of Yankee Stadium.

Brad: My favorite part of the city is--

Ralphie: The Empire State Building!

Brad: West Village, Christopher Street. They have the Oscar Wilde bookshop surrounded by a bunch of cafés, and off Stonewall Avenue there is Washington Square where all the NYU students hang out between classes. For somebody who has lived in New York for a period of months and is returning there shortly, I never set foot in Yankee Stadium. And if I was to take one thing, it would be the golden faucets in the home team's locker rooms. I remember when that construction worker buried a Red Sox jersey in the concrete and they had to dig it up, The Post ran some headline calling for everybody to give him a kick in the you know what.

Chris: There are golden faucets in the locker rooms? What could be better than pilfering useful, household appliances?

Ralphie: A signed bat and baseball.

Joe: The only thing I would want from the soon-to-be-demolished Yankee Stadium is the dignity I lost that fateful day when I soiled myself in the leftfield bleachers.

Chris: That information defintely makes seat cushions a wise investment from now on. It would also behove the Yankees to have a promotional Diaper Day each year.