The Madness of Modern Motherhood

I have just finished a most interesting analysis of American motherhood, Perfect Madness, by Judith Warner. While the author is a sold out feminist and therefore envisions solutions to the problem that I completely disagree with, I still found the book very engaging, because I think her perception of the problem of American motherhood (what she calls "this Mess") is right on.

The main assertion of Perfect Madness is that American mothers are obsessive, compulsive, overbearing, smothering, tired--no, exhausted, and guilty. Women are extended to the max trying to keep up with all the things experts say are necessary for healthy and normal child development. And then they extend themselves even further on the misassumption that they can mold their children into prodigies if they only try hard enough.

As well, there is this insane drive that nearly everyone in our culture has to "succeed", rather than just be happy. We must "succeed" and therefore we must get into the top jobs, the top colleges, the top highschools, the top preschools, the top daycares. The pressure starts in infancy and never lets up. We don't do things out of enjoyment or passion anymore--we do them because they will build up our resumes

I completely agree with Ms. Warner that this is a problem. I attended school with overachieving students and wondered when exactly they had time to sleep. I now see overachieving mothers and wonder the same thing, and I also wonder when they let their children sleep. And I see young women who are terrified of motherhood because of the burden of perfection our society has put on them and because there is no place for a woman who wants to just enjoy her kids.

The fear of failing as a mother weighs us down before conception even happens. If you don't believe me, just pick up a few parenting and family magazines, and check off all the "very important" things (like making holiday-appropriate cakes and developing world-class but still "simple" birthday parties every year, for every child) you don't do for your children. You'll start feeling guilty.