Meanderings of a Muse

This article was published in Storytime Tapestry and gather.com

Written at the end of my creative writing course.

"I want to shine the light on my personal truth through my writing today. I will share that since I no longer have a day job, I do my lesson the first thing in the morning. However, today I read the lesson but was just not able to do it. 

I found several excuses why I could not. I knew I was going out today curtailing the time that I had on the computer. Seems like a logical excuse doesn't it? But there was one central flaw, I did go on the computer and I choose to read email and other things which could have waited. Clearly I was avoiding the lesson.

Now that begs the question, why was I avoiding a lesson when I love these lessons so much? My personal truth is, subconsciously I was trying to avoid the inevitable. I was trying to avoid this course's termination; as if not doing the lesson would make this course continue. Hence, the logic breaks down. Whether I choose to do or not do the lesson has no bearing on the fact that regrettably the course has to come to an end.

I spoke to Maria this morning and she said perhaps I should write about my feelings, so voila here it is. My personal truth is that I don't want this course to end. But I know it will, and I know that it must, but nevertheless I don't want it to.

Today I spread my truth, the truth that this course has taught me so much. It has improved my writing abilities. I learned what I set out to learn. I replenished my soul. 42daysofwriting became a quiet friend; always there and always ready to hear my heart musings. It was there to encourage me to move forward when all I wanted to do was recoil into my shell.

I came to realize I could write anything without being criticized, silenced, or censored. I could say, "I feel bad," and not have someone tell me I have no right to own those feelings. I was confident no one would dismiss them and say to me, "no you don't feel bad you feel like this or that."

I knew that when I say that I feel like "crap" that I would get back the response, "I hear your pain, I feel like "crap" with you and you know what? It is okay."