How to Help Your Teen Deal with a Friend's Suicide

Jacob's Legacy: A Look at Teen Suicide

On Wednesday, December 20, 2006, Jacob White took his own life. He was only 16 years old. My son, Jeffery, was Jacob's friend. In fact, they were planning on going out that Friday. But Jacob never saw that Friday. Instead of going out on that Friday, we are going to Jacob's funeral. We were all reeling from the news, people were crying, my son was shaking when he got the call. Two of the girls who are friends with my son and with Jacob were crying. Everyone wanted to know why. There are some questions, though, that we will never be answered. This is one of them.

I visited Jacob's MySpace page the day after his death. I read the comments from his friends. It was heartbreaking. Each young person wrote something special and kind. They showed a side of the teen heart that is so big, so vulnerable. I read about their pain, their disbelief, and their happy memories of this boy who seemed to be so full of life. I knew Jacob. Every time he saw me, he hugged me. He was always making wisecracks. He was one of those people who would not let you stay in a bad mood. He would have you laughing in no time.

I read stories from his friends. One girl told of how one time her ride was late and he stayed with her so she would not have to wait alone. A boy told of how Jacob had carried him on his back out of the woods when he was ill. His girlfriend left a poem that would break your heart. The members of his band posted poignant messages. They all said that things won't be the same without him. Without Jacob, things won't be the same for many of us.

In this aftermath, I was left to help my own teenagers cope with this loss and make sense of something that has no rhyme or reason. Jeffery is 16 years old and he was so upset. He and his friends rallied around each other to offer support. Several of them went to see Jacob's father. They needed to reassurance and support of each other, the stability and empathy of friends who understand the feelings they were experiencing. I let him go.