The Torture of Being Single: The Meetings Your Friends Love to Set Up

"I have the perfect guy for you. Seriously, you two just have to meet." More fearsome words were never uttered by your best girlfriend, the one with the jerk-off boyfriend who suddenly thinks that being in a relationship is oh-so-great.

When you're single, it becomes the mission of every single one of your in-a-relationship friends to "hook you up" - whether you want to be hooked up, or not. Not only are they determined to see you happily ensconced inside a couple, but for some reason they seem to completely forget who you are during their pursuit of your perfect mate. You cease to become you and suddenly, you're salable goods. Your attributes (and usually they're traits you never knew you possessed) are paraded in front of their single friends of the opposite sex.

"She's single and she has a great personality. She's always on time, has a great sense of humor, and keeps her apartment very clean." It's almost as bad as being in a job interview. Since when did your dysfunctional, formerly single friends become relationship gurus? They start dating someone for two months and suddenly, they're love experts.

We've all been there. When you're in a relationship, all your friends are single. When you're single, all your friends are in relationships. You're always the odd man out, and it's their purpose in life to make sure your own relationship status stays the same as theirs. Instead of trying to help you either enjoy your single life or find a guy that you might actually consider dating, they bring forth a parade of sub-human trolls (all friends with their own, practically sub-human boyfriend) for you to consider.

When you reject these less-than-fit potential mates on the grounds that you have a decent level of intelligence and attractiveness, your friends turn on you and want to know what the hell is wrong with you. Because doesn't being single also mean being totally desperate for any sort of date at all? Once your friends get involved in a relationship, they suddenly seem to forget what being single is all about.