What is Gaslighting?

The Extremes of Emotional Abuse

There is a type of pain a woman experiences when, after years of faithful marriage, she begins to witness changes in her husband that, when confronted, are then said to be the creation of the wife's imagination, a plot to hide her own actions, or the perception of a woman in need of
 psychiatric help. To describe the pain endured by victims of emotional abuse with written words is like trying to explain what a person experiences when facing the realization of certain, impending death. It seems quite impossible. There are rips, tears, stabs and agonizing pain within her heart. Sometimes she panics, believing she is losing her soul mate forever. Sometimes her husband may actually tell her that the suspicion, the digging around for answers, or the accusations involved in the panic are the actual things causing the couple to have distance in the first place.

If a man does this, he is using a manipulative, cruel technique known as Gaslighting. Emotional abusers who partake in the horrific methods of Gaslighting have an agenda of which society may presently be unaware.

The term "Gaslighting" was introduced to the public in an old movie entitled "The Gas Light" (1940) and its remake of the same title (1944). In these movies, a woman who receives a large inheritance is courted by and marries a man who has a secret agenda. He intends to drive her crazy in order to obtain the hefty estate she has. "Gaslighting" is so called due to the story unfolding with the husband routinely igniting the gas lamps in the loft of the house, which causes the other lamps in the house to dim. Upon question from the wife as to why the lamps were dimming, the good husband would tell her she was imagining things. In the movie, it is obvious the man knew he was driving his wife insane. Sometimes, however, this is not the case where intention is concerned. Some emotional abusers do not realize they are Gaslighting.

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yep it is happening throughout the country, gangstalking too!

Posted on 06/22/2009 at 7:06:03 PM

I left out the word wife in my previous comment

Posted on 05/28/2009 at 6:05:38 AM

My accuses me of having an affair all the time. Even the phone calls from telemarketers are fodder for her suspicions. It has gotten to the point that I try to hide or mask bruises with her make-up just to avoid the pain of an argument. If I have a scratch that looks that it was made by a finger nail, I wait until she is sound asleep to take a shower or do not take my t-shirt off in front of her. It sometimes makes me feel guilty and often think that I am having an affair without me knowing. ITS CRAZY! Is this a form of gaslighting?

Posted on 05/28/2009 at 6:05:31 AM

Gaslighting doesn't involve just a husband & wife (or SO). As a young child (and until I left home), my mother frequently made promises & then would renege on it & claimed that she never made those promises or claimed that I "misunderstood" her. She would coldly face me down & claim that I misunderstood the whole conversation. I never thought that I was going crazy, but I grew up knowing that I couldn't trust my mother. After reading this article, I realize that it was a form of emotional abuse.

Posted on 05/10/2009 at 9:05:10 AM

Cont'... there were many months where I truly believed I was the piece of horrible, worthless, insane, human garbage that he started convincing me of, & his "friends" too. What a nightmare. Very helpful to read this article because it describes so much of what I go through still. I pray for Everyone who is in this kind of situation to receive the help, both spiritually & physically to see the truth, & get out safely, mentally, emotionally, & physically. Myself included.

Posted on 03/12/2009 at 5:03:10 PM

Wow, I read every entry here, I share so much with all of these people & your article. I've been in an emotionally abusive / major gaslighting "relationship" for far too many years. Before that, it seemed good for a few years, even great compared to now. Then things turned. Think there was an ex-gf he never fully disconnected from but pretended he did. I can relate to one of the entries who came from dysfunctional family w/ no support, this is my situation. Makes it very hard to extricate one's self from the situation, that plus one's whole sense of self-esteem just about Dies. It took me a few hellish years to see that this man whom seemed like my bestfriend, partner etc. had turned into someone else. I kept trying to "get through to him" the him I used to "know". I've no idea what secrets he is hiding, but that I have gone through every single aspect of this gas-lighting to such a degree, there were many months where I truly believed I was the piece of horrible, worthless, insane, hu

Posted on 03/12/2009 at 5:03:25 PM

Wow, I left my husband 1 year ago and still return home and look around to see if anything is missing or moved. He let the air out of my tires weekley for 2 yrs, stole my personal belongings etc. and denied all of it. I thought it was my step daughter until after I left.

Posted on 01/24/2009 at 6:01:36 PM

Until I found all of your articles and blogs about gaslighting, I did not even know this is what my ex-wife was doing. She was an abuse victim herself and didnt truly understand how she was abusing me. You should be given awards. I have a normal, happy life now. And this is all thanks to you. If I had a thousand dollars, it would be yours!

Posted on 12/07/2008 at 4:12:34 PM

For further help: I can be reached at h2oforthegaslit@hotmail.com.

Posted on 11/02/2008 at 12:11:38 PM

Absolutely not, justbob.... I receive emails from men who go through a lot with this, and will be publishing an interview with a man soon who went through just about everything the main protagonist in "The Gaslight" went through, with modern amenities, of course. I believe men just do not talk about it as much. Thanks for commenting :)

Posted on 11/02/2008 at 12:11:36 PM

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