Super Size Me Sheds Light on Fat America

The main subject of Super Size Me (Morgan Spurlock), wrote, directed, and stared in the galvanizing...

(Hold on, what the Hell is a Morgan Spurlock? A Texan Super-wedgie, maybe? Yes. I'm fairly certain it's a form of wedgie.)

Morgan Spurlock investigated America's sizable love-handles by looking at the sweaty (and even greasy), legal, financial, and physical costs of fast food. The man eats nothing but McDonald's for 30 days.

After seeing Super Size Me, I can say with the upmost confidence that eating nothing but McDonald's for 30 days is(!)... a bad thing.

Spurlock's McDonald's marathon caused his weight to balloon up 30 pounds, skyrocket his blood pressure, and raise his cholesterol 65 points. Is this surprising? Well no, obviously, but the result of toxic shock to his liver is unsettling, nevertheless.

His doctors, one of them looking suspiciously like Salvador Dail, encouraged Spurlock to go off of the All-McDonald's Kill Yourself Diet, but instead of taking such advice, he pressed on, continuing with his dietary kamikaze for the full month.

Sure, Morgan Spurlock was overzealous in making his point, but remember, he did get Shock Liver. If he had carried on longer than a month, he might have been diagnosed with Pneumonia.

More importantly, if Spurlock had combined his all-McDonald's diet with a conjoined, and gutsy, Jack in the Box diet, scenists believe he might have gotten Typhoid Fever, Pulmonary Edema, Adrenal Insufficiency, Intestinal Obstruction, Hyperparathyroidism, and amazingly, the Sasser Internet Virus.

To cash in on the big press of Super Size Me, I filmed a Documentary entitled: Eat Me. It ended badly when I attempted to eat nothing but "Atkins-friendly" food for an entire day.

(I'm sorry, but if you can eat a bacon and lard sandwich, you are more doughty than I.)

Though Super Size Me got big press, it might have been hard to find in your city.

In my hometown, it was playing in a small art house where Documentaries and Foreign film's are regally displayed on the highbrow marquee, but shunned and alienated by the summer moviegoers with deep, personal jaundice.