Poot-a-Rama

This "thing" all started in 1961. I was an 11-year- old boy. I had a Dobermann Pinscher named "Fredrick" and one day I'd heard the "Maxwell House Coffee Theme" on TV. Somehow, I'd petted my dog while the commercial was playing...and a hefty sound came out... I figured it was because the dog had a pot belly. I hereafter christened this process "pooting" (special petting). The "poots" are the bursts of air which come out...organized like the vibrations of a laser beam...

Other things I found I could do were: Up-bock (BOCK), Down-bock (BOCK); and LOCK.(Those actions have to be announced to the world.) "A-hack!" is the cough one makes when fully Pooted...This process frequency- modulates one's breathing and a "Poot-O-meter" is helpful to know the limits one can endure...A dog's breathing is about 8 Hz/second...

The discovery was made that dogs "have" a quality I called "hovy-chovy". This is a 2-part,piston-like movement of the animal which allows inhaling of food...
based on appetite requirements...Note that "Fredrick", if approached while eating, would grab his bowl and take his food with him! [rather than biting the accoster.] I found that "Fredrick" enjoyed chasing his tail;and, if a clothesline were shaken in his presence, he'd go and make a flying leap,culminating at snapping at that clothesline! Also, scratching his stomach caused him to scratch at his stomach some more...Saying "ivoch-ivoh" (hovy-chovy backwards) is an emergency defense against an attacking dog, it will lock his jaw shut...not to be used lightly!

Later I found out that POOTING should be used on humans as well. Especially those with Attitude. Sometimes DOGS have attitude. Like when they turn up their nose and give you the "Supreme Insult" (smacking their lips). That calls for a BOCKING! A "Magic Flying PootyGlove" can stop those who are fleeing, all the way to China! CAUGHT you/And I GOT you...GOTCHA AND I CAUGHTCHA! Also, Captain Pooty is magic...he can reverse time to stop someone from getting away...