Talk to Her, You Pathetic Geek

I occasionally go out to bars where people go to mingle and meet. I have noticed a trend: guys aren't very good a talking to women. Now I don't mean that guys still use lame ass lines like "What's your sign," or anything like that. No, the problem is that many men have actual physical problems talking to a woman. By physical problems I mean that they can't make their feet carry them to the women's vicinity. If they do manage to get their feet started, they are incapable of making them stop when they do get near her. If they actually are able to get their motor skills engaged long enough so that they are standing right next to her, they wind up unable to say anything. It's sad, it's pathetic, but luckily I am here to help.

First we have to look at the reasons behind this strange paralyzation. We can safely narrow it down to one primary cause. We are as a species, a pack of cowardly geeks. Now I know what you are all saying, "Not me, I have no fear of talking to the fairer sex!" Let tell you something boys, if you had no fear of women you would be having sex right now instead of talking to a computer screen. The first step in solving your problem is to recognize that it is there. So everyone together now: "I am a pathetic little man who fears women, social contact and peach sorbet." There now, don't you feel healthier already? I knew that you would. (Sorry about the peach sorbet part, but what the hell, it's not everyday I get a pack of geeks to talk to their computer screens. I need to have my fun.)