Woman to Woman: The Importance of Communicating in Relationships

When I got married almost ten years ago, it was with out preconceived notions-or so I thought-of happily ever after and till death do us part. As far as I was concerned, I didn't have many gender role expectations or limitations for my husband-to-be or for myself. I didn't know much about marriage. I was from a single-family household and the lives of the married people I knew were not ones to be emulated: the married people I knew were not happy and if nothing else, I knew I wanted to be happy. To be honest, I didn't give marriage nearly enough thought; if I had I would have done some things differently. Not the ceremony but the engagement. I would have talked with my fiancé more, or at all, about his expectations and given some true thought to my own. I also would have talked and listened to the couples around me. I would have asked the women in my life the question I ask us all to consider now: Are we sabotaging our own marriages?

Today I think if only someone had warned me... and I have to stop myself, that's not fair. There is no shortage of both solicited and unsolicited advice in books and magazines, on screen, in music and more importantly through friends and an often-overlooked resource: family. I can vaguely remember someone saying, "Marriage takes a lot of work" and reading something about the necessity of communicating to make a marriage work. They weren't talking about me-I thought-and to be honest, I just wasn't paying attention. So while I didn't take on the title Mrs. Sylvester Felton (I hyphenated), I did take on a new role: the Super Wife. I became my own worst enemy, my own nemesis. The day I got married, I unconsciously began sabotaging my marriage and eventually my own happiness.