Is Housework the Bane of Your Existence?

I hate housework!

And I know I'm not alone.

I certainly feel alone, though, every time I display the poor judgment of inviting one of those paragons of perfection into my home. You know the type: the walking, talking, epitome of domestic excellence, whose eagle eyes inspect every soiled or spotted surface, scrutinize every square inch of squalor, and callously critique every cluttered corner of our hopelessly neglected domiciles. Yes, that veritable scourge to all of slouchdom: the charter member of the illustrious white glove brigade, before whose accusatory gaze we shrink with very shame.

Can these self-appointed guardians of domestic purity sense that I can read their thoughts the moment they cross my dingy threshhold? I can't be certain. But of one thing I have no doubt: the almost instantaneous mental verdict handed down, with austere gravity, by my distinguished guests, somewhere between the dusty drapes and the sadly-drooping daffodils, goes something like this: Here dwells a lousy housekeeper! Of course, they rarely put it quite so poetically--not, at least, within earshot of the unfortunate object of their merciless indictment. They're far too civilized for that!

Instead, they resort to the ever-popular, embarassment-sparing art of the euphemism. These folks will offer--in appropriately condescending cadence--such sympathetic observations as, "Your house certainly is crowded!" (translation: cluttered). "I don't know how you can live in such a small place!" (read: disorganized hovel).

Now, don't get me wrong. Our apartment is far too small for a family the size of ours; but then, I seriously doubt that the apartment has been built that's big enough for this brood.

Philosophic musings aside, I simply know that they know that, tiny as our living quarters are (and they are morbidly miniscule), we'd have infinitely more space if everything weren't so disgracefully disorganized. I'm no fool. I can see right through these transparent displays of "sympathy" like a jeweler sees through cut glass.