Airplane Bathroom Etiquette: A Courtesy Flush is Not Just for Wimps

Come close to me. No, closer. We need to talk about some personal issues that come up on my flights each week, and I don't want to embarrass or perhaps offend your delicate constitution. You people need to understand the hows and whys of using the airplane bathroom-and you need to know it now.

That's right, I said "you people". I'm sorry, once again, if I offend. I know most of you know just how to use the potty. Been doing it since you were two, all by yourselves, haven't you? But as in every group, there are those who need extra attention. You stay here, the rest of you can take your bags and just deplane now.

Lesson One: Do Not Leave Your Ticketed Cabin.
This seems cut and dried. We have always had some kind of barrier between classes (oops, I mean cabins-don't want to bring those caste system connotations into the equation, maybe ruffle the wrong feathers). Anywho. In the olden days, pre 9/11, we had lovely curtains that were obvious physical barriers. First class people had their one or two bathrooms for their own private use. Business class had a couple more for themselves. And as for Coach class, which now is not referred to as Coach class at all but the Main Cabin (as if you would believe that you indeed were the main event and the forward cabins mere afterthought...) Well there are bathrooms for you. All 200 of you. Just get in that single file line starting at about row two, turn towards the back of the aircraft, and wait. And wait. Patiently. Don't think about coming forward of the non-existent curtain bisecting the cabin. It is not for you, the delicately floral scented boudoir, with the heated seats, automatic flush, optional bidet. You must use the outhouse you have paid for.