"Can't We Just Be Friends?"

The question I was recently asked by a female friend was, "So what does dating entail?" The reason this mattered was a recent "no-dating-other-people" clause had been inserted into a relationship. The problem being that if you don't know what constitutes a date, that agreement is tough to enforce. So you can see why I need to address this issue. It's really a public service.

For men, it's really quite simple as to what is involved in a date. It really all boils down to the expectation of sex. If I am going out to a movie with my friend's wife, that is not a date. I am not going to sleep with her, I am not even going to attempt it, I am just going to a movie. If, on the hand, I am going to a movie with a little hottie whom I have been chatting up for several months, that is a date. Because I am going to do my level best to take our relationship "to the next level."

Now for the tough calls. Let's say I am going to the movies with a woman who I have slept with in the past, but has since become my "friend." Is this a date? Well now that is a little tricky. You need more information to make that call. Is she in a relationship? Does she complain to me about the men in her life? Has she put on a whole lot of weight since we last dated? These are all important questions. The most important and deciding question? When she opens the door do I immediately think, "Oh yeah, I'd do that." Or is my thought, "God, I hope Jessica Alba is in this movie." If it is the former, we are on a date, the latter, we are just two old friends out to catch a flick.

You will notice that I haven't mentioned money at any time in this piece. There is a very good reason for that. It is irrelevant who pays for what nowadays. In fact all of those silly "date qualifications" that you see on sitcoms are meaningless. You know the ones, "If the man pays it's a date," or "If you pick her up at her house it's a date, but if you meet in public it isn't." Nonsense, the only thing that determines whether you are on a date or not is does the man have reasonable expectation of sex? Since I can already hear you scratching your thick skulls, we will talk about "reasonable expectation of sex."