When Visitation Becomes a Battle and Children Become Pawns
January 10, 2007 by
Decreasing Visitation
Recently, a friend had a dilemma. Her former spouse was supposed to have the kids for the entire Christmas to New Year's holiday. However, since he got remarried, he has been taking the kids less and less, and called her partway into the
holiday to tell her he needs her to take them for the rest of the holiday, as he has to work.
When she has to work, she has to find and pay for daycare. Her care of the children is not limited to when it is convenient for her. But, if she refuses to take the kids, it could reflect badly on her for not 'working with him' and appearing to be putting her pre-scheduled single-life plans ahead of the kids. That is not the case, but she feels strongly that he should be 'forced' to be a parent to the children. Can you really 'force' anyone to parent his or her children, though?
Holding the Kids Hostage
Another friend had to drive across the country to try to get the kids back from their dad when their visitation with him ended and he refused to return them. He held them until she would agree to see their old marriage counselor with him. The local police wouldn't go with her to get the kids as they said all of her legal paperwork/court orders meant nothing: that it was a 'civil' matter, not a 'criminal' matter. Even though the paperwork clearly outlined custody and the visitation schedule.
Her only option, other than letting family hire someone to rough up the former spouse, was to give in to any and all of the former spouse's demands in order to get the children back into her custody.
So much for police 'enforcing' the law, and all the expense and time of court hearings meaning anything.
It goes the other way, as well. There are a plethora of examples of the custodial parent using the children as a weapon against the former spouse by interfering in the non-custodial parent's visitation schedule. The courts rarely intervene to correct this twisted behavior.
Non-Custodial Parent Rights
Apparently, the attitude of the general population, and the law, is that it is acceptable to use children as pawns, and only parent them when it is convenient.
Recently, a friend had a dilemma. Her former spouse was supposed to have the kids for the entire Christmas to New Year's holiday. However, since he got remarried, he has been taking the kids less and less, and called her partway into the
When she has to work, she has to find and pay for daycare. Her care of the children is not limited to when it is convenient for her. But, if she refuses to take the kids, it could reflect badly on her for not 'working with him' and appearing to be putting her pre-scheduled single-life plans ahead of the kids. That is not the case, but she feels strongly that he should be 'forced' to be a parent to the children. Can you really 'force' anyone to parent his or her children, though?
Holding the Kids Hostage
Another friend had to drive across the country to try to get the kids back from their dad when their visitation with him ended and he refused to return them. He held them until she would agree to see their old marriage counselor with him. The local police wouldn't go with her to get the kids as they said all of her legal paperwork/court orders meant nothing: that it was a 'civil' matter, not a 'criminal' matter. Even though the paperwork clearly outlined custody and the visitation schedule.
Her only option, other than letting family hire someone to rough up the former spouse, was to give in to any and all of the former spouse's demands in order to get the children back into her custody.
So much for police 'enforcing' the law, and all the expense and time of court hearings meaning anything.
It goes the other way, as well. There are a plethora of examples of the custodial parent using the children as a weapon against the former spouse by interfering in the non-custodial parent's visitation schedule. The courts rarely intervene to correct this twisted behavior.
Non-Custodial Parent Rights
Apparently, the attitude of the general population, and the law, is that it is acceptable to use children as pawns, and only parent them when it is convenient.
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