Dating in Your 40s: Pack Up Your Baggage in an Old Steel Trunk...

People dating in their 40s use the term "baggage" more than the handlers at the airport terminals. It' usually used as the excuse for someone deciding not to see another person. "They had too much baggage."

What is baggage? First of all, and let me emphasize this very clearly, "baggage" is not your children. Unless one of your children is Charles Manson, children do not qualify as "baggage." They are an asset to both a man and a woman. Having children builds character in a person; hopefully makes you more compassionate and less rigid. If anyone ever referred to my children as "baggage," I'd rip out their heart and throw them in the river.

Actually, I wouldn't really do that. I'm not crazed psychopath. But I would tell that person that I didn't want to see him anymore and why. And I would make him feel like I just ripped out his heart and tossed him in the river.

No, baggage is emotional. It's the scars that came from your prior relationships; the ones that didn't work out. And these scars take a lot longer to heal than a bruised knee. In fact, for some people, they never heal.

Baggage is the cheating husband or wife; the insensitive spouse; the control freak; the abusive mate; the sexual degenerate; the sexual scrooge; the person that, no matter what you did, it was never good enough. And they made you feel like shit, until you decided to either leave them or get a divorce.

And on that day, you're finished with them. You're free. You no longer have to put up with their abuse. They can no longer hurt you; they can no longer do things to you that made you feel like less than a man or a woman.

But, unfortunately, they can.

The ghosts of these relationships haunt you. Especially when we find ourselves in another relationship, or are even contemplating a relationship, or even dating.. Some of us are so programmed to feel bad about themselves (and this is especially the case of abused women) that we seek out partners who are mirror images of our former partners. Most of us, despite the reasons for a divorce, have had our self esteem shattered. Even if we desperately wanted the divorce, it's a failure; we couldn't make it work.