Saddam Hussein Obituary

Celebrity deaths always come in 3's, and nobody made more sure of that this past weekend when the Iraqui Government executed their former president, Saddam Hussein for war crimes against their nation. But every life has a story to tell, including a murderous, beret wearing terrorist. So, seeing as how any government published report on the man would be slanted and biased, I took it upon myself to write the man's obituary. And seeing as how I have absolutely no knowledge of him whatsoever, it can't possibly slanted. Truly, not since 1994 has there been a hanging celebrated more than the autoerotic asphyxiation of Saddam Hussein. But who really was the man behind the pinata?

Many are surprised to learn that Hussein was born in a log cabin in Chicago, Illinois in 1937, to proud parents Judy and Azrazeal Muchmachmood-Habergazara Hussein. Saddam's parents were working class people (Judy a janitor and Az a maytag repair man) so little Saddam never had the luxiarious toys of his boyhood rival: Ned Beatty.

Saddam was jealous of Ned's lavish attention, his metal tonka trucks, his 3 flavored popcorn cans and his brother who Saddam just knew would be all up in Madonna some years later...Saddam was beaten every day as a child...many times by complete strangers who just didn't like his stupid face. Saddened and chubby, Saddam decided to grow a humongous beard for his assface, and later used it to help store his mighty arsenal of beardknives and beardfiles.

Heading up into the mountains of Chicago, Saddam vowed to work hard on becoming a strong spirited douchebag, and to come back only once a year and to steal christmas from everyone. Saddam ended up building an elaborate radioshack of a cave, complete with electric tieracks and robbie rotten approved dinosaur costumes. Sadly, Saddam was shot 8 times outside a nightclub after stealing christmas from a battlerapper, and soon after being told that his voice "had more pain in it" Saddam changed his name to "SoDAMN inSANE" and rocked enough bling to choke a kurd.