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Signs of Loser Boyfriends & Abusive Men

Knowing When It's Time to Ditch Him

By Dina Hollerbach, published Jan 12, 2007

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Sometimes, a girl just doesn't want to face the reality that the "stud" she is seeing is a loser with a capital "L", and makes every excuse for him she can out of denial. If denial isn't present, there is always the belief that the boyfriend will change, or that you can change him into the man you want him to be. Sadly, I hate to say it ladies, but rarely does a man change, and if he does, it is because he wants to change and it has nothing to do with you. No, I'm not stereotyping all men into the category of rigid, unchanging jerks, but when a man (or anyone for that matter) exhibits attitudes and behaviors that are characteristically them over a period of time, then that is their personality-and why would you want to alter who a person is? Isn't it easier to find someone who can love you the way you need and the way you want, and that is compatible with you on all levels? While the loser boyfriend can be a man who forgets your birthday or is just plain cheap, he is also someone who can inflict serious emotional, mental, and possibly physical harm upon you. First, we shall go over the signs of a non-abusive but (but still unhealthy) boyfriend.

The non-abusive & unhealthy man:

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Signs of Loser Boyfriends & Abusive Men

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Comments

Comments 1 - 11 of 11

Rochanda

ive experienced this kind of relationship ,and it is one sided .You make all the effort and he does nothing to extend his self to you .You need to cut your ties ,and move on .He does not deserve you ,and not that serious about the relationship as you .

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Posted on 08/30/2008 at 10:08:52 PM

francis

you honestly should let this guy go sara. you honestly dont deserve it. hes not acting like a real man...

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Posted on 08/10/2008 at 11:08:18 PM

Samantha

There are men like this everywhere, test the waters... if love is not a fit, you must aquit. Love = respect, communication, affection, sweetness, consideration, tenderness, understanding and above all honesty. Truth stands the test of time, lies are exposed.. because there is never any evidence to support the truth of a lie, actions are not equal to words.

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Posted on 07/20/2008 at 12:07:43 PM

Sara

I've been "dating" a man who I've known since I was a kid. Our moms are best friends with each other... Well, I must have sucker written all over my face!!! The first time I met up with this man... he was very nice, and bought his own smokes.... and asked me if I wanted anything. Then the second time I met up with him.... he was nice again, but this time I offered to go 2 diner with him.... I PAID! Yea.... I was a little drunk, and I wanted some company.... I didn't want him to have to leave so soon! Well.... after that I didn't hear from him for a WHILE!!! I didn't see him for a month!!!! Then when I did see him this last time it was AWFUL!!! Our sex lasted only 5 minutes then he wanted me 2 buy him Taco Bell!!!!!!! He also wanted me to leave quickly after. WHY???? What the hell happened???? I must be a complete idiot. Finally I spoke to him yesterday and he asked me why I was so mad. I told him he treated me like trash. He says he didnt meant 2 & he sorry! IDK wat 2do...

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Posted on 07/18/2008 at 8:07:58 AM

Suzanne

My boyfriend seemed great at first. But, we live in different towns about 25 minutes apart. If we see each other it's because I always make the effort to drive to see him. We talk on the phone every day, but he will actually let weeks (yes weeks) go by when we don't see each other! He is a truck driver and drives from midnight to 6 a.m. so I understand he is tired. But, on his free weekends (Sat/Sun) he makes no real effort to come to see me and each weekend a different excuse. (Too tired, don't feel good, unexpected visitor stopped by, overslept) you name the dumb excuse, he's given it. I've told him repeatedly how that makes me feel, that I'm lonely, that I feel like I don't have any life at all. It seems to fall on deaf ears and the following weekend....you guessed it, he can't come down. Oddly he seems happy to see me if I drive there. It's like he won't put himself out for me! He also forgets birthdays, etc. It's beyond depressing to me.

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Posted on 06/21/2008 at 1:06:57 AM

Just one of many

My partner is more subtle and we have been going through this for eight years now. First it was the beer drinking and pot, not getting a job and hanging out with his friends while I was at work. Then it progressed to moving many times because he could not keep a steady job and with my income I could never make enough to cover the bills. His idea of not lying is to say "I'm not hiding anything, you just didn't ask me". He is very manipulative and always seems to turn the arguments around to where I feel bad. Then he actually fought my son and I thought I had lost it! Did I leave, no, because I have a problem. He had a secret phone relationship with a girl named Tina, and even when I confronted her and she played back his messages, I had her on the phone in front of him and he is steadily shaking his head no to everything she is telling me. Then there was the cocaine abuse that I didn't find out about for two years. I only knew he would sometimes not go to work and then not come home. He

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Posted on 05/09/2008 at 6:05:22 AM

kimm

Its funny but I couldnt see it or understand how i went back and forth with this man for 20 years...he did things like go out of town and not call for days, he would say he was busy working and i shouldnt expect calls when he was away on business. he would get upset when i planned vacations with friends, constantly put me on the back burner and have me waiting for him to pick me up for a planned dates only to do a no-call no -show. it may sound crazy to someone who hasnt been through it but it's real. we would break up every couple of years and get back together over and over. the upside was the traveling, dining, and just going very nice places- he had the best tastes of anyone i had ever dated. i started going to therapy to talk out other things and that was really the beginning of the end. self examination and thinking through childhood issues forced me to take a look at who and what i was allowing in my life. just like that, cold turkey- the last time he fell of the face of the ea

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Posted on 04/17/2008 at 6:04:14 PM

Nikky

This was my ex fiancée. We were planning our wedding and I was so happy, but it kept coming down to the fact he couldn't accept my past(that I had been w/ guys before him!). We would go through the cycles, the honeymoon stage was amazing, but soon it would go back to normal. He would get so angry for little things, he would verbally abuse me for hours until I was begging him to stop. He would humiliate me in front of my friends, and also random people. He kicked my car so badly I needed a new bumper. I finally said enough 4 days ago. Since then my family has gotten involved, trying to help me see past him. I spent so many months thinking he had anger issues, but didn't really know he was in fact abusing me. I can't wait to finally get over him. To get my self esteem back, to respect myself again. It's just going to take a lot more time to completely heal.

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Posted on 04/17/2008 at 9:04:08 AM

Betty, Alpharetta, GA

This sounds exactly like my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him two weeks ago. Everything was perfect the first 6-8 months. Afterwards, that's when his true colors came out. It was ugly! He likes to talk but when it's my turn to speak, that's when he has to hang up the phone. He never has any time for me. I have to beg for him to spend sometime with me. We lack intimacy because he's uncomfortable??!!...or probably he's not sure if he wants to be with a woman or a man! Who knows?! I wasted my time:(

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Posted on 03/10/2008 at 10:03:49 PM

claire

Yes you are right my husband has been doing the same thing and is still I keep hoping things will change that's why been with. Him 22 years and had two kids with him he makes me feel when they is a promblum its me when I try to tell him how he's made me feel by what he has done then he trys to make me feel guilty for everything even when I have to ask him for something. because he can't come to terms with his own short comming and when he has to give me something on birthday I have to prise. All the time even when I have him I like what he's given me its never enough its like he's giving me something to make him self feel better I am now getting to the end of be made to feel this way I can not that it anymore can't be with someone who does not care how I feel

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Posted on 12/23/2007 at 2:12:11 AM

Jessica

This was dead on my ex-fiancee, and I never left and now how have seizures due to his abuse and his cousin was the same way. My ex-fiancee still "checks" on me by following me and my local county will doing nothing about it........ So ladies please while you still can listen to this advise. They will emotionally, physically,enviromentally, and verbally abuse you, and several other forms of abuse, until they break you to think the way they do... Dont even get near thses guys if you can prevent it.........

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