A Lesson from a Cop's Wife - Leave Nothing Unsaid

My husband's friend, partner and co-worker (a fellow police officer) died this morning after being involved in a horrific car accident. Tragedies like this one have a way of making us reflect upon our dearest relationships.

Has anything been left unsaid? Have we said things we regret? Have we said "I'm sorry" even for the small things?

I stood outside the officer's briefing room this morning and watched one officer after another gather to mourn. The silence was agonizing as I watched a dozen uniformed men stare at the ground and hold back tears.

In that moment, I imagined myself as the widow of the dead officer.

Did I tell him I loved him? Did he know how much I cared? Did I say "I'm sorry" for the argument we had this morning? Was anything left unsaid?

He handed me the van keys and gave me a hug.

I looked at his eyes. Yes, everything is okay. Everything is always okay with us.

Like most married couples, my husband and I have fairly frequent arguments....big ones, stupid ones, silly ones. But not a day goes by where we don't say (and mean) "I love you". Even through tightly clenched fists and grinding teeth we say it, and we mean it.

Maybe I should title this post "a lesson from a cop" because he's the one who taught me how fragile and fleeting life is.

I really don't know what he does everyday (and frankly, I don't want to know). I do know that he sees a lot of "yuck" and it is easy to tell how awful his day was by the tightness of his hugs.

My 6 foot 3, 230 pound, often overflowing with testosterone, husband started a habitual "I love you" campaign in my home shortly after he became an officer.

Our "I love you's" often come in the form of a quick text message while he is at work, three taps during church & at movies (tap *I* tap *love* tap *you*) or a quick phone message.

I often wonder if plumbers, accountants, truckers, delivery drivers, postal workers, etc... are as committed to habitual "I love you's" as the men & women in uniform are.

I don't know.

Sometimes, during playful hugs with my husband I am jolted back into reality when his stiff bullet-proof vest rubs against my chest. "Stay safe, honey..........please".