Abandonment: From Devastation to Restoration

Abandonment: From Devastation to Restoration

October 29, 2008 by
April Lorier, Author & Encourager  
April Lorier, Author & Encourager
April Lorier, Author & Encourager
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Adultry  |  Devastation  |  Abandonment  |  Protection from Abuse

An Abandoned Wife's Pain

Dear April, I am a Christian - a follower of Jesus Christ - who is not yet a divorcee, but the case is on. I do not wish to divorce my husband. We were married for more than 26 years when the marriage collapsed, I felt my life was over. I have prayed and continue to do so morning, noon and night, for my spouse for a over a year from the time he left the house to live with his mother and brother. I am fully expecting God to not just "heal" my marriage, but to give me a brand new marriage with the same spouse. When will that happen, I keep wondering!! God is near but many a times it seems as though He does not even care that I have been betrayed, abandoned, and left to face the unknown totally alone.

To be as committed as I was to the marriage, to my spouse, and to my God, and then to be unceremoniously dumped is devastating. But I am not giving up. It fills me with a sense of worthlessness and sends me spiraling into a major bouts of depression. Still I continue to trust people and mostly God, I do not hide in the midst my four walls for too long. It hurts so much to miss him every moment of the day. There are times when I don't want to do anything. I just want to be left alone and not be hurt again! But that doesn't happen. It's always a suspended depression and I ache and ache deep inside. Barely did I surface from the loss of my 22 years old son who went to be with the Lord 3 years ago.He got drowned in a river and we never found his body. My pain is many folds. Coz the lady who is having an affair with my husband is a widow from our church. Her family are supporting her in this whole issue and she is encouraging my husband to proceed with the divorce matters. I feel so helpless. ~ Queen

Dear Queen, I thank you for writing to me, and though you have not asked a specific question, I do understand how you are feeling. It seems very odd that most of the women I know lose their husbands to another woman right around the 26-28 year of their marriages.

You did not mention if your 22-year-old son was also the son of your husband, but I am assuming he was. If so, your husband was going through the grieving process, as you were. Perhaps that had something to do with his departure.

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Takeaways
  • The person's words we believe most when we hear them, are ours!
  • When abandoned after a long marriage, a grieving process must be travelled.
  • Abandonment through adultry and divorce is worse than abandonment through death.
 
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Beautifully given advice, April. And thanks, too, for laying out the steps of the grieving process. I have seen them elsewhere, but it is always good to see them presented in a nice, well-written way like you have done here.
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Posted on 10/30/2008 at 10:10:16 PM

:)
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Posted on 10/30/2008 at 11:10:40 AM

Hmmm - hubbie and I are going on 25. I better read this again!
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Posted on 10/29/2008 at 10:10:51 PM

Insightful as always!
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Posted on 10/29/2008 at 6:10:53 PM

Thank you for sharing this!
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Posted on 10/29/2008 at 2:10:15 PM

I love it that you called this woman QUEEN (or that she calls herself QUEEN). Even in our lowest times (perhaps ESPECIALLY) in our lowest times, that is exactly what the Lover of our Souls calls us. For He is the Beloved, and we are His. Nice one.
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Posted on 10/29/2008 at 2:10:53 PM

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