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Men: The Culprits of Feminism

By Jack Sampson, published Jan 16, 2007

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HEADLINE: "Study finds men and women are different. Experts stunned." And then we all laugh and laugh and laugh. "Certainly it's obvious" we think to ourselves. Then we sigh, shake our head and say "It's them feminists, messin' everythang up." And we're right, sort of.

As we'll see shortly, feminism probably isn't the best thing to ever happen to women, but don't blame women for feminism. Blame men.

That's right men, it's your fault. This is a list from my (pre) marriage counseling I dug up. These are the top 5 natural needs of a wife and husband based on surveys and averages. (Italics added by me) Take a look:

WOMEN
1. affection (non sexual)
2. conversation
3. honesty and openness
4. financial
5. commitment to family

MEN (these are pretty obvious)
1. sexual fulfillment (duh)
2. recreational companionship
3. attractive spouse
4. domestic support
5. admiration of wife

By pursuing self gratification and their own #1 need, men have FAILED to meet the #1 need of women.

Shortly after marriage, men who were once "great listeners" have stopped paying attention to their "nagging wife" and FAILED to meet the #2 need.

Through a misguided understanding of the leadership role, men lose respect for women and have FAILED to meet the need of #3.

Often by laziness in work, an incompetence in handling finances, (debt) and other times a selfish suppression of a wife's natural material desires (shopping) men have FAILED to meet the #4 need.

By "boys night out" and other forms of ignoring the "nagging wife" such as just "getting out of the house for a while," or even alcoholism, men have FAILED to meet the #5 need.

What do you expect, men? Not only do you wonder why none of your "needs" are met but you wonder why "all them women are so werked up." Do you realize when you shut up and stop thinking about yourself that women suddenly stop being so crabby? If you don't listen to your wife, she'll go somewhere else and complain about you. Then she'll build bitterness and resentment, and you'll be up a creek without a paddle, without a boat, without a compass, and blindfolded to boot.

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Men: The Culprits of Feminism

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Stop complaining about feminists. It's your fault.

Credit: Disney

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Takeaways

Divorce rates are skyrocketing.
The 30 year resume of feminism is atrocious
Men are to blame

Did You Know?

Individuals who cohabitate before marriage are around 45% more likely to get divorced.

Resources

Paul Amato and Alan Booth. 1997. A Generation at Risk: Growing Up in an Era of Family Upheaval. Cambridge, MA: Harvard U
Larry L. Bumpass and James A. Sweet. 1995. "Cohabitation, Marriage and Union Stability: Preliminary Findings from NSFH2.
Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur. 1994. Growing Up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps. Cambridge: Harvard Univ

Comments

Comments 1 - 15 of 20

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Lizzie Miller

Thank you!

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Posted on 08/26/2007 at 6:08:00 PM

Jennifer Thompson

I was going to comment at length but Richelle did it for me. I'm with you Richelle - I couldn't believe all of the positive comments! Here's a great big lot of people who DON'T GET IT. THINK, PEOPLE. THINK!

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Posted on 02/27/2007 at 6:02:00 PM

Richelle Hawks

I don't feel I need the last word, really, but i do want to respond about the idea you brought up of complimenting women and treating them as equals. Being nice is not addressing inequalities. It has its place, but really doesn;t have a lot to do with feminism. I hope I made that point--that as valid as your argument may be, it really isn't an argument about feminism, because feminism is a complex and mass social, historical and political movement, not some necessarily personal or trite response to a husband's or general male rudeness or egocentric behavoir. And yes, my argument is gynocentric, but that is another one of my points--that is what feminism IS--feminine centered. I wasn;t ever promoting the idea that having androcentric views was innatly incorrect. But, when addressing a subject such as feminism, especially if you are taking a sympathetic standpoint, it might be wise to at least investigate the authentic nature of the subject, which, by nature is woman-centered.

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Posted on 02/17/2007 at 5:02:00 PM

Oliver Hazard

*whew* reading that was like trying to catch a bouncy ball in a small room. How about we respectfully agree to disagree? If telling men that they should respect women, compliment them regularly, and treat them as equals is somehow androcentric and ignorant of true feminism, well I cant really win can I? Can we at least agree that your arguments are as equally gynocentric as mine may be "man" centered? If feminism states that all men have to improve is "not to feel threatened" then heck, we must be doing pretty darn good! You give us more credit than I do. Anyway, we could play ping-pong all day but I'll give you last word if you want it. Thanks again for taking the time to read, comment, and then continue to comment. It's appreciated very much.

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Posted on 02/17/2007 at 1:02:00 PM

Richelle Hawks

sexes. These seemingly archaic gender models were in working existence in recent memory, and there are plenty people alive now to recount its history. I hate to see feminism as a whole dismissed. It gets a bad rap, but it is expected, because it is a genuine threat to masculine power paradigms. To answer your question further, about what feminism expects from men, I would say that in addition to educating yourself about what feminism truly is, it would be to just stop feeling so threatened. Feminism isn't about your woman or all women turning lesbian or taking your wonderful job away from you.

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Posted on 02/17/2007 at 11:02:00 AM

Richelle Hawks

(cont) nket of our every day lives. I am no voice for the feminist movement, which is complex and varied. But, I think it is obvious that a role of men within a feminism context could be to actually read feminist literature, and not rely on outdated, popular, bastardized mass media accounts or notions of what is ACTUALLY is. Much of what you think it may be, is not. For example, it is not a reaction to superficial neglect within a marriage, as you propose. That is a trite dismissal of its intention and influence. I would assume you never questioned the ability or right of that pouty "football widow" you describe in your article's to vote. But, this is the mindset that feminism has lent us. Of COURSE she votes, duh, that isn't what you're talking about, but--several decades ago, that probably WOULD have been what we would have been talking about. Actually, we probably would not have been talking at all then, because of the social and political veil that existed between the

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Posted on 02/17/2007 at 11:02:00 AM

Richelle Hawks

Yes, Oliver, I have been married. But that my experience or non-experience with men would somehow validate my viewpoint is evidence of that same androcentricism found thoroughout your article. Feminism is not about male/female relationships, and it is not about marriage. Neither feminism nor women are defined within a contextual relationship with men. I understand that this article IS about that, but you have spoken about feminism as a whole, and applied it to a very small, concise idea. I don't know if it is possible to extract 'modern feminism' (and it is highly arguable and nearly absurd to assert that it began in 1977) as an entity from feminism in general. That a lot of people have fought for a lot of things may not be proof of anything, but when you remove that idea from a dismissive abstraction and begin looking at those real revolutions and struggles, you find the tangible threads of passion, sacrifice, court verdicts, stories recorded, etc., that are woven into the blanke

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Posted on 02/17/2007 at 11:02:00 AM

Oliver Hazard

Well, I had a whole super-intelligent reply thought out but I think I should ask you first, are you or have you ever been married? I judge from your comments you are not, which is 110% o.k. it's just that personally I know my whole perspective on this issue did a 180 after I got married. and as to: "I'm sure you would agree that many millions of rational men and women do not hold your view..." You're right! I do agree. But millions of rational men and women DO share my view, and we cant both be right. I respect both sides. As far as all the "feminists fighting throughout the centuries" well, alot of people have fought for alot of causes. That alone is not evidence of anything. "30-year feminism" we're talking about is strictly modern feminism. obviously it's been around (in different forms) wherever free societies have existed throughout time. Finally, can you tell me what feminism expects from men?

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Posted on 02/17/2007 at 8:02:00 AM

Richelle Hawks

"I have learned that women will become what you tell them they are. If you constantly tell your wife she is beautiful, she will believe she is beautiful, etc." Your quote above is mystifying, really. Do you REALLY believe that women are empty-headed vessels so in need of being defined, that their very identities are formed by their husbands? This comment is perhaps the most blatant and cliche example of misogony that one could fathom. Do you see the profound lack of respect that is present in this mindset? The assumption that you can form a woman into anything you desire from repition of words, good or bad, is an abomination of pavlovian proportions. It ASSUMES inequality--the shaper/shapee... giver/taker...powerful/powerless. I suppose you did outline that already outright with your assertion about 'leadership.' In response to your rhetorical question about what feminism has got us, I would ask the same with what male leadership has lent us, and how that imbalanced paradigm i

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Posted on 02/16/2007 at 11:02:00 PM

Richelle Hawks

(cont.) -motivations in pursuing equality, and dignity. My point is that the feminist movement as a whole does not seek or need a culprit, a male hero figure to 'come to the rescue', so to speak. That is the whole point. The 'culprit' of feminism is the powerful feminine force, voice and experience of millions of women, not some bad husband who neglects his wife by spending too much time watching football, or neglecting to tell the little lady how pretty she looks. Simply put, it's not about men. And do you really so lack a historical reference that you believe feminism began just 30 years ago?

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Posted on 02/16/2007 at 11:02:00 PM

Richelle Hawks

Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my comment. You article's androcentrisim lies in how you have presented feminism's effects, motivations, and rationale as being somehow 'for' men. And your chosen title assumes feminism is a crime with both offenders, and culprits. And, naming men as the culprits places the instigation of feminist practices upon male shoulders. So--this seems a very androcentric device. For example, I'm sure you would agree that many millions of rational men and women do not hold your view that feminism or its contributions to society are negative. So, to those who have endeavored bravely and dilligently in the struggle, and for the women, especially, who have through centuries fought to maintain and promote their freedom and power for themselves, and their future sisters, and are actually proud of their work, putting the whole of feminism upon those 'culprits' shoulders, essentially seeks to strip feminists of their voluntary, varied, complex, self-prompted m

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Posted on 02/16/2007 at 11:02:00 PM

Oliver Hazard

(cont...) Put 2 random people in a room for a week and one will always emerge the leader, it's natural. It does NOT mean the leader is better, it's merely a position. Now, as far as "feminism destroys marriage and family" i would say no, but, feminism has at least accelerated the decline of marriage and family. YES, there is a problem with our thinking. NO, feminism is not the solution.

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Posted on 02/16/2007 at 5:02:00 PM

Oliver Hazard

Richelle>> Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm not sure you read the entire article though. Anyway, As far as my comments being "androcentric," well, this is basically a pep-talk to get men to act like men, (and it's written from a man's POV and I can't much change that) so *I suppose* you could call it androcentric if want to. ANYhew, Feminism is based on the misconception that gender roles somehow equal a class system with men on top, and feminism is required to "level the playing field." (i.e. by "empowering women") My point is that gender roles (which are biological common sense) DO NOT equal a class system, and should NOT be thought of this way. Being the "leader" in the home does NOT give men Brahmin status, it is merely a position that exists whether we want it to or not, and represents a responsibility that must be satisfied. In general, men have failed to satisfy this responsibility. Put 2 random people in a room for a week and one will always emerge the leader, it's na

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Posted on 02/16/2007 at 5:02:00 PM

Richelle Hawks

How did feminism destroy marriage and the american family? It is a ridiculous notion. How does the empowerment of women destroy anything?

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Posted on 02/16/2007 at 9:02:00 AM

Marquis Canaday

Feminism destroyed marriage and the American family. We might as well find companionship out of some holographic woman of our dreams. I will also like to add this... as long as women decide that being female is just a gender based idea, they ignore the fact that women and men are differen. No feminist can change that. This is evident within nature too.

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