Phelps and Robertson Caught in Compromising Position

(Virginia Beach, VA) Radical, homophobic pastor Fred Phelps and Televangelist Pat Robertson were discovered in a compromising sexual position at Robertson's house in Virginia Beach.

At approximately 7:43 EST, police entered the Robertson household after responding to numerous noise complaints from the neighbors. When Robertson refused to open the door, officers made a forcible entry through a side door. The two right-wing ministers were discovered in an intimate embrace in the master bedroom.

"I couldn't believe it," said Virginia Beach Sergeant Bill Connelly, "You don't expect to see these guys going at it. Hell, I'd sooner think Smurfs were real than think these two were gay for each other."

Phelps attempted to flee the premises, but Robertson refused to loosen his grip on the pastor's waist. Phelps tripped and the two collapsed in a tangle of hairy, old, and spindly limbs. The two were apprehended by police and taken to the Virginia Beach Police Department.

Phelps' Baptist congregation has gained national exposure after picketing the funerals of several gay servicemen who were killed in the line of duty in Iraq. Robertson is the host of the Christian program "The 700 Club" and is most recently noted for his belief that gays caused the wave of natural disasters that took place in 2005.

Robertson and Phelps have both staunchly refused to comment to reporters, particularly to Fox News. In the hours after the arrest, thousands of citizens have congregated outside the Virginia Beach PD headquarters to stage a massive "laugh attack." The attack has consisted of wild guffaws on two minute intervals, occasionally amplified through megaphones.

"This is seriously the funniest shit I have ever heard of in my life," said Barry Goldman of Virginia Beach. Dede Robertson and Margie Phelps, wives of the two men in custody have refused to comment on their husbands' recent actions.

Lovers at last

Credit: Matthew Wendus

Copyright: Matthew Wendus