Learning

i watched you cook his meat
"tender, but not too soft," you'd say.
i remember carefully etching the notes
in my soft clay mind.

i watched you sit in silence
as he passed out on the floor.
it was the third time this week,
and always, you were silent.

i watched you cry in the kitchen
when you thought i was upstairs.
i knew it was because he said those words,
"i don't love you anymore."

i watched you beg him to hit you
i heard him screaming, slurred speech.
i crouched behind the lies you'd mold
a perfect life, a perfect home.

i watched you in horror and confusion.
i never understood that love you still had
for a man constantly covered
by the shield of unthinkable acts.

but when would i turn that gaze upon myself?
see that i, too, still loved him.
a man driven by forces that left his daughter
lying bruised and motionless on the floor.

***

There is a spoken word recording of this poem available on Mary Pascoe's debut album, "Who Brings a Cat to the Disco?"
Buy it today at CDBaby.Com!