How to Get What You Want in Any Relationship

Did you know that you could get anything you want in any relationship? Yes, you can! The key is how you communicate. Yelling, screaming, name-calling, and blaming never work. The other person gets defensive and, instead of listening, tries to find ways to attack you back.

Perhaps the most effective way to communicate is to use "I-messages". This approach is becoming increasingly popular these days. Couples use I-messages to improve their communication and work things through. Businesses use I-messages as a way of dealing with clients. Schools teach children I-messages so they can resolve disagreements with words instead of their fists. Communicating with I-messages is simple, but it requires the desire to effectively communicate with others. If you have the desire, then you're ready to learn.

I-messages can be broken down into three parts:
I think________________
I feel_________________
I want_________________

For example, let's say you're in line at the supermarket and someone cuts in front of you. Instead of saying, "You asshole! Go to the end of the line!" You might say, "I think I was in line ahead of you, and I'm angry that you cut me off. Please go to the end of the line." The person is more likely to hear you. Or let's say your partner told you he would be home by 5:00 p.m., but he doesn't get back until 10:00. Instead of yelling, "Where were you? You're such a jerk for not calling me!" you could say, "I think we agreed that you would call me if you were going to be late. I feel mad and worried when I don't hear from you. I want you to tell me what happened." Again, your partner is more likely to listen to you if you use I-messages like these. You may find it a little weird at first, but with practice it becomes a natural part of your communication style.

Just using I-messages may be enough to get you what you want in relationships, but one or more of the following tactics may also be necessary: