'Life is Short, Have an Affair,' Says Ashley Madison Agency

Married Dating by the Numbers

Ashley Madison Agency Says Life Is Short, Have an Affair

Pimps are not what they used to be. In the past, they were the slimy guys in the alley who would seek to procure paying customers for the bodies of the women they victimized. Nowadays they are online services advocating secondary and even tertiary relationships, swinging, and affair guarantees - for a price.

The Ashley Madison agency pimps married folks looking for a quick romp in the hay. Hailing itself the "world's #1 married dating service specifically for attached men and women who are looking to have an extra-marital affair," the service makes no bones about its mission.

Life Is Too Short, Have an Affair with the Affair Guarantee Program for $249

Payment of $249 entitles the customer to participation in the "affair guarantee program," which pledges you to find "someone" within three months or your money back. To ensure that you keep up your end of the bargain, you must set up an attractive profile with photo, send at the very least 60 priority mail messages to different members, send five Ashley gifts, and engage in at least 180 minutes of instant messaging during that timeframe.

If after 90 days and 60 sex laced messages, five gifts and three hours of begging for attention and sexual favors there is still nobody to be found who willingly does the horizontal mambo with you, Ashley Madison, too, will throw in the towel, refund your money, and allow you and your battered ego to slink off.

If one may believe Noel Biderman, president of Ashley Madison, the Canadian agency has been in business for seven years and counts 2.5 million members. Your odds of finding a home wrecker for your purposes are better than average.

What Do The Numbers Say?

According to the statistics quoted by the Truth about Deception website, 30-60% of American married folks do buy into the idea that life is too short, and have an affair. Of those who do have extramarital sex, 2-3% will welcome a child into their lives that is the issue of the extramarital affair. Most women will not reveal their misstep to their husbands and thus the number of men unknowingly raising someone else's child is hard to guess.