How Low Self-Worth Leads to Poor Partnerships

It is a curious paradox that, when partners in an intimate relationship claim to love each other, they oftentimes give less respect to one another than to their friends and even casual acquaintances. They might put their best face forward when interacting with co-workers, for example, yet express a lot of negativity when they're at home with their "special someone".

When we're thought of as special by someone else, it should probably set alarm bells off in our heads the majority of the time. The sad truth is that usually when people designate others to be significant figures in their lives, it really means that they believe these men and women can fill their needs and make them feel complete. Perhaps their declarations of love should be elaborated upon, because they usually amount to this: "I love you because you fulfill my expectations, and I'll keep loving you so long as you continue to do so."

If we are willing to look at our relationships honestly, there are ways in which we can discern if our partners love us for who we are or whether they're merely interested in the roles that we play in their lives.

We can glean a lot of clues by examining the quality of our communications. Do our partners take the time to listen to what we have to say, or do they typically try to bring the conversation back to themselves? Do they own up to their own part in a disagreement, or always use the opportunity to criticize and point out our faults? Controlling partners are oftentimes more interested in being proved right than they are in finding ways to promote harmony in their relationships.

They might also try to exert control by playing out a game of reward and punishment. Using this manipulation tactic, partners will deliberately express or withhold love - in many of its aspects, including support, respect, sex and material gifts - depending on whether or not their significant others are living up to their expectations. In these kinds of situations, love is not expressed naturally but is instead rationed out like a commodity. The intent is always to influence or mold the other person's behavior in one way or another.