Being a Step-Parent When the Biological One Leaves

Being a stepparent is an absolutely wonderful feeling, although it can definitely be trying at times. I walked into an instant family relationship, as my husband now had a two year old son from a previous relationship. The biological mother was in and out of his life at that time and had signed over guardianship of him. I didn't know who she was, nor would I meet her for about five months.

Now, I understand how this poor little boy just wanted a mommy so bad. I really do. Some of my husband's family wanted to know if it was ok if he called me "Mom". I still don't know if I offended any of them when I told them no, but I wasn't comfortable with it. Personally, I didn't mind, but I didn't want to confuse him any more. I had told them that I didn't want that until he did it on his own while he understood the situation.

Now, to some of you, that may sound harsh, but it has all worked out. To him, I am "Mom". He started calling me this on his own at about 5 years old. It was never talked about, as it just happened one day and never stopped. We also have 2 other children as well together, but it has never been discussed about them being "half" siblings. We're a family, and that's all there is to it.

His biological mother also has another son, who she also walked away from and her mother adopted. There's a little girl too, who she does have custody of. Our son asks about them once in awhile, and we tell him the truth. That is the most important thing to remember when dealing with this type of situation. Kids are smarter than you think they are. They can sense things and they can understand so many things.

As of today, he hasn't seen his biological "oven", as my husband calls her, in 2 years. She also hasn't written, called, sent cards, gifts, or anything else. Now, our son, at this point, acts like it doesn't bother him. I know it does - how can it not? I can't imagine how it makes him feel. It seems like as it was longer and longer since she hadn't seen him, he would start showing more anger towards me. I couldn't figure it out at all. Then through talking to various people in this situation and just observing everything, I figured it out.