How to Comfort a Friend After the Death of Someone Close

Your friend has just received the shocking news that her cousin has died suddenly in a car accident. She and her cousin were very close, and she is devastated. You have just found out about the accident and want very much to help her through her grief, but you feel helpless yourself. The truth is that you haven't the slightest idea what to do or say to comfort your friend. You feel a little nervous about calling--and the mere thought of visiting causes even greater consternation--because you aren't at all confident that you are capable of truly comforting her.

First, know that it's completely natural to feel inadequate during times of loss. Most of us do. Death is a formidable opponent. You need not consider yourself weak or incompetent simply because you're finding it difficult to stand against this dark and mysterious specter. Despite your lack of confidence in your own ability to fulfill the comfort-giving role, you do possess inner resources that you can draw upon to help both you and your friend get through it.

Here are a few suggestions, from one who has been there (there being the receiving end of such comfort) on how you can help your friend--or relative, neighbor, coworker, or classmate--through one of the most trying periods of a person's life: the grieving period immediately following a loved one's death.

First, be honest, be real, and above all, be yourself. Your friend will not want you to try to be someone you aren't because tragedy has struck her life. In fact, she will need to be able to depend on the person she knows you to be--the person she liked enough to allow into her heart as her friend before she was grieving. She will need the "genuine article" to help bring her a sense of stability at a time when her world may seem to be spinning out of control.