What College Applications Mean to a High School Senior

Interred Deferred.

Those two words comprised the whole of an email I sent to my college advisor shortly after receiving that dreaded letter. I would like to say the weather was as it is now-frosty and with a constantly running nose, but it wasn't. My two-hour tears were the only falling water, and the sun shone quite brightly in spite of the end of my delicately balanced world. I hold no grudge now, but at the time I wanted to throttle it out of the sky and howl the December spring breeze to eternity.

You see, this is the season of deferrals, referrals, acceptances and rejections, and whatever an ambitious high school senior might say, whatever joke he or she might throw out about passing out while opening that long anticipated envelope, not one of us actually ever betrays the sick anxiety we do feel when we unfold the first leaf and see the official letterhead and then our name, Dear Sarah, I am writing to inform you...The Admissions Board of every college holds that enormous power over each of us, and each of us fears it, but only because for nearly every aspiring high school senior college is the be-all-end-all of existence.

It is for this reason we grind our teeth and sulk our way through senior year. I have heard adults asking as early as September, "Where are you going to college?". As though we know?! Most of us haven't even decided where to apply so early on, but we are fated to hear that question at every juncture, and let me tell you, Thanksgiving is the worst. On top of the overwhelming numbers of distant relatives, we face The Question from each of them at least and more besides. This would not be so bad, save for Thanksgiving is but a month away from Early Decision notification and we are in agony enough within our own minds without being inflamed by those whom we consider foolish adults. Don't they realize WE DON'T KNOW?