Soul Sucking Freeloaders and How to Get Rid of Them

Freeloaders and bums are an increasing menace to society today. They can usurp the energy of a somewhat normal, healthy, and productive human being and turn these previously happy individuals into depressed, listless, and angry shells of a person. To avoid this dour demise, there are a few things you can do to escape the clutches of a freeloading, soul-sucking bum.

Before we get to how to treat the problem, let's discuss what some of the warning signs are that you have become prey to a soul leech:

1. Insomnia
2. Nausea
3. Headaches
4. General irratibility
5. Increased arguments with significant other
6. Decline in libido
7. Your water, heating, and grocery bills are going up dramatically
8. Extraneous people show up at your house at all hours of the day to visit your "houseguest"
9. You find various things broken around the house for unexplained reasons
10. You find your houseguest critiquing how you keep house even though they never lift a finger to help
11. Your favorite sweater is being used as a bathroom floor mat in the guest bathroom
12. A general feeling of dread, death, and destruction upon waking in the morning

Bums are very clever in that they slowly ease into one's life without you realizing they are a nefarious soul-sucker. However, if you have identified with three or more of the above warning signs, it is most likely you have fallen victim to the freeloader. The most evil kind of course is the extended family freeloader. Beware these beasts of darkness for they are the most lethal type.

There is hope for those sickened by the extra family that are "visiting" only for a few "days" (months, years, etc.). Some tried and true remedies to aid you in your quest to rid your home of these ghouls and recover your health:

1. Stop buying food. Not for yourself and your immediate family of course, but don't let the "houseguest" know you have food. Either go out to eat, or hide the food you do have. A starving houseguest tends to leave sooner than later.