Saturday Night Fantasia

I feel like, had I stuck with dancing, I would be that ravishing girl in the flamenco dress spinning wildly while "Frederico" (really a common white boy in bad Chachi makeup and a flimsy shirt) clapped his hands and yipped and yelled as if I were a horse. We'd command the stage, we'd draw "oohs" and "aahs" from the audience, and all the while I would think about how much I hated him. It didn't matter. The hatred was mutual. He always switched the roses before the show so I'd end up clutching one with thorns.

Later, we would change into regular clothes, planning our evening of revelry at the nearest gay bar - something with a name like Whiskey Dick's - knowing that no matter how much we hated each other, we were stuck with each other through the season. I would flirt with the waitress to get as many free umbrella drinks as possible, and "Frederico" would grab the first boy he could find and grind him against the wall unlike anything he'd done to me on stage. No samba here... just Madonna and her gay-boy beats.

I would use my cocktail napkin to wipe off the layers of eyeliner applied by a student makeup artist, some girl who worked mornings at Denny's slinging hash to old men who thought grabbing her ass was tip enough. She always took it out on my face, using the foundation, blush, lip gloss, and eyeliner to cover the guilt she felt over failing her parents. How the hell did she end up in this town anyway?

"Frederico" has mounted his prey at this point, and I've had enough rum to rival the best Cuban. I decide to puke in a snowbank instead of on the dance floor and stumble to the curb to hail a cab. I'm not even going to attempt the El this time of night, not with all those bums looking to get lucky on the Red Line.

Cha cha cha. Another day, another dime. The cab has missed my street, thanks to my passing out in the back, and I end up having to walk five long blocks through my "gentrified" neighborhood. ("Gentrified" meaning you only get mugged at night now instead of all hours of the day.)

Where's my Frederico when I need him?