The Question Behind the Question: "What Constitutes Cheating?"

Everybody lives according to their own standard of right and wrong. I don't know anyone who sees themselves as morally perfect, and yet everyone sees themselves as a little better than someone else. Who hasn't regretted their own action or thought, and then consoled themselves with the line, "at least I didn't do that!" or "I'm not as bad as someone who does that!" Male or female, we all attempt to see ourselves in a way that allows us the least amount of guilt, with the most amount of liberty. In marriage, like in everything else, living according to this "natural" self-serving way can lead to big problems.

On December 6, D Armenta published an article on AC called, "What Constitutes Cheating? An Experiment on Sex, Men and Women". The article asks others to post their thoughts on what they view as cheating on a spouse. At the heart of it, the question "What is cheating?", is a different question altogether. The question that D Armenta is posing is this: how far can I step outside the lines without hurting myself or someone else? How far can I seek my own pleasure before I get burned? This is the same question that a small child is imposing upon the world all the time- how long can I scream before I am punished? How many candy bars can I steal before I get caught? This is the question of selfish immaturity. This is the question posed by sinful human beings in every aspect of their lives.

This is also a natural reaction; unfortunately the natural response to a situation is not necessarily the best one. My one-year old son "naturally" screams his head off when I take away the ball point pen he's picked up, but that's the response of selfishness and immaturity. Natural is not necessarily okay.

Now I'm not claiming to be a paragon of mature self-restraint. I'm sitting here eating cheese puffs by the handful when I've already had breakfast, ignoring my son while he stuffs miscellaneous scraps of paper into his mouth, and not bothering to get dressed when I have a long list of errands and phone calls to accomplish. And as far as marital infidelity, I admit that from the time my husband and I were engaged, I have turned my head when a good looking man appears.