What Christmas Means to Me

Christmas has not always been my favorite holiday. When I was little, I equated it with everything I disliked about my life.

I was away from my loving grandparents and great grandparents. I lived in a tiny two-room trailer where my room also doubled as the couch.

Christmas time meant broken promises and lost dreams; no food on the table and listening to my mother trying to hide her mournful tears.

Because I was so young, I didn't understand that my father's promises meant nothing. I would listen with a hopeful heart as he told me about the things that Santa would bring as well as those he intended to buy himself. Not once during my entire lifetime with my father did he ever keep a Christmas promise or any other for that matter.

Year after year, all that was under the tree were the handmade gifts I knew my mother had lovingly made. In the mail, I would get a check from my grandparents. However, I always gave the money to mom so that she could buy staples that would have to last us until my birthday check came about six months later.

It wasn't until I was around seven years of age that my mother finally decided that we'd had enough of living that kind of life. By then, of course, I knew there wasn't really a Santa Claus.

Learning about Santa actually brought me some comfort because it explained why I'd never received anything from him. Up until that time, I just assumed that I must have somehow been bad and wasn't deserving of a Christmas toy.

Once we were finally back at home in Oklahoma, I finally learned the truth about Christmas. I attended a wonderful church where I always got to play the Christmas angel.

By then, material things were of little importance to me. I knew the true meaning of Christmas wasn't in what I would or would not receive but in what I could do to make that holiday special for others.

Every Christmas my mother, grandmother and I purchased as many dolls we could afford. Then we would use grandmother's scrap material to make dresses for them. Mom would even hand crochet a few all by herself. No dolls were more lovingly put together than those.