U.S. Army Invades Second Life

Dual Island Push Could Lead to Full Archipeligo

For SLReports.net

In a move that is sure to astound, confuse, and probably frighten the Reauters Abandonment Dead Horse Beating Party, which has turned into an End Of The Metaverse Hurricane Party, The US Army announced today that they will be invading two islands within Second Life. Other island chains now feel the pressure of a new arms race within the virtual world.

"Over the next 30 to 45 days you might, if you're one of them Second Life avatar dudes, that likes to go populate islands within Second Life, you will find an Army island in Second Life," Gen. William S. Wallace, the commander of the U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC), said during a presentation at the 26th Army Science Conference. "There's about 4 million young people that routinely interface in Second Life. [That's] the age group of the young people who we're trying to encourage to join the military."

One of the Islands will be a recruiting depot, trying to allure SL residents into joining the RL US Army. The other island will feature SL interactive-demonstrations of the sorts of adventures and death-defying feats soldiers in the US Army face in training and combat.

The other 4 branches of the US Military (yes, we still count the Coast Guard and Air Force if you were wondering) have not yet announced similar plans, but this will no doubt be a matter to bring up during the next round of Iraq War Budgetary Allocation Hearings after President-Elect Obama's inaguration in January.

"We simply cannot allow a virtual world gap," said one US Navy spokesperson who asked to remain anonymous, "If the US Army beats us to all the really good Second Lifer's, who are we going to get to become Navy Nukes? We can't rely on Everquest and World of Warcraft alone!"

Others have their eyes on Russia's secret president Vladimir Putin, who is already enraged with the United States proposed missle defense shield in formerly Soviet-Poland. How he may react to yet another US Military encroachment on previously international no-mans-land is uncertain.